


my love is yours (if you're willing to take it)

by ifthebookdoesntsell



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: AND GAY, Alternate Universe - High Society, Car Sex, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Mild Angst, Office Sex, Re-falling In Love, Rejanis, Rejanis Endgame, Reminiscing, Smut, Strap-Ons, Vaginal Fingering, chief operating officer janis, or maybe realizing that they never fell out of it, outreach director regina, they're both rich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifthebookdoesntsell/pseuds/ifthebookdoesntsell
Summary: Janis presses her tongue into the kiss, and Regina’s mind is shoved forward in its wandering of the past, to college, to dorm room nights where the woman on top of her would make her laugh until her stomach hurt and then take her to dinner, when they would watch old rom-coms and Regina would whisper the confessions of love into Janis’ ear as they happened on screen. She remembers sunset picnics, getting lost in the middle of the night on the way back from a drive-in theater; her eyes tear up slightly as Janis kisses her neck and her mind snaps to a specific moment: Janis in her lap, whispering that they’d love each other forever, even if they had to say goodbye.A hand skates over her stomach, and Regina finds herself imagining a life where things were different, where they tried harder, where making out in the back of Janis’ car on the east-side before an event was the norm, where commitments to the world were set aside in favor of love, and promises didn’t have to be broken.(Or, the high society au where they loved each other, once.)
Relationships: Regina George/Janis Sarkisian
Comments: 105
Kudos: 81





	1. back to the days when i was falling in love

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all! back already with something new. i'll be honest that this au hopped out of nowhere (besides the constant thought of janis in a very nice, very expensive suit), and i really kind of.... ran with it after that. i've had a lot of fun writing this, so i hope that you enjoy. 
> 
> you can listen to a playlist with all the songs that make me think of this au [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3zlrJe4DvnNMIETqYGhorz?si=kB1-qm-_QkOYf-5ogA4JDw)
> 
> (title from "Eastside" by benny blanco)

“Apparently they’ve got a new chief of operations,” Gretchen tells her, trailing behind. “Supposedly kind of a player.” 

Regina rolls her eyes. 

“Aren’t they all?”

“Regina, _you’re_ taking over your dad’s company soon,” the brunette laughs. “Does that make you a player too?”

Regina grins, shaking her head. 

“You know I have no time for a relationship,” she reminds. 

“Right.” Gretchen smiles at her exasperatedly. “Too busy saving the world.” 

“ _Trying to,”_ Regina corrects. “It’ll take more than just you and I and this arts non-profit to make things work.” She leads Gretchen along, fixing a few crooked table settings in the ballroom and contemplating where the money George Enterprises gives is going to go within Art Therapy Worldwide. She’s seen the organizations they support across the globe, but she-- and a few other friends in the outreach groups at other companies-- have had some trouble with tracing their funds. 

She tries to shake it off; this non-profit seems very trustworthy, and she loves the work that they’re doing. Continuing to move through the hall, she straightens a few chairs, folds a few more napkins and even tests the chandelier’s lights. 

Finally, everything seems ready to go, and she turns back to her assistant. 

“I think I’m all set here,” she tells her. “But it would be great if you could stick around for a few extra minutes. Just make sure that the food and flowers get in okay?” 

“Of course.” Gretchen nods. 

“Don’t stay too long,” Regina reminds. “You invited Karen to come tonight, right?” 

Blushing, the woman nods. “I told her I’d pick her up around five.”

“Awesome,” Regina replies with a smile. “I’m going to wrap up a few things on the phone with the venue manager and then head downtown to pick up my dress.” 

Gretchen looks at her skeptically. 

“You know that I can get that for you, right? Or we can have somebody deliver it.”

Regina refuses politely with a shake of her head. 

“The owner of the shop is an old friend,” she informs her assistant. “It’ll be fun to see him again. Besides, my mom basically demanded I go for myself and make sure that everything fits right.”

Gretchen looks at her knowingly. The one person Regina George cannot argue with is her mother, and since her daughter is away for much of the year, Sabrina insisted she be afforded one night a year where she can dress her daughter up to her heart’s desire and show all of their other friends how much better her child is than theirs. Regina only tolerates it first, because she loves her mom, and second, because it means that it’s the only time she’s forced to put on anything with odd clasps or especially uncomfortable frills for the whole year. She’s able to travel the world as she pleases, dressing up to her liking when setting meetings, and helping others. 

(The one time she had tried to argue, her mother had complained of the fact that the other families like the Wiggins’ and the Weems’ all had children that were already settling down and were willing to dress up in nice clothes. 

Regina’s father had rolled his eyes, looked at his daughter, and, at the same time, they both said, “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, boss.” 

Reginald slept on the couch. 

Regina had to make dinner by herself. 

Neither of them did anything like that again.) 

Lost in thought, Regina’s eyes miss the extremely nice car parked at the curb as she rushes into the boutique. She exchanges pleasantries with the man at the front, Jack, before she catches sight of her friend. 

“Damian!” she calls. 

“Hey!” he says back, putting down his pins and standing up, almost tripping before he recovers. “Long time no see, Little George.”

Regina raises herself to full height-- which is still only to his chest. “I’m not so little anymore!” 

He grins down at her. 

“You so are.” 

They continue to bicker like old times, Damian rustling around in the backroom until he finds what he was looking for. 

“Now,” he starts as he enters back into the main room, hands behind his back. “It isn’t exactly what your mother ordered, but I didn’t want you to look like a little colonial lady from the 1800s, so I took some liberties with her measurements.” He looks down at her sheepishly. “Can you please tell her not to kill me?” 

Regina chuckles and nods. 

“I’ll pass on the message. Now, let me see!” 

Smiling at her excitement, he pulls the dress from behind his back, and Regina’s jaw almost drops on the floor. 

The dress is gorgeous. Dyed in Regina’s favorite shade of red, it looks as though it will fall just above the knee, and the material seems to be the kind that’s just tight enough that it will hug her every curve. Its off the shoulder style perfectly suits her, and she spies a pair of heels in the corner of the shop that will look great with it. She smiles at the thought of walking into the gala in something that will make her look-- and feel-- beautiful. 

“I take it you love it?” Damian asks, and the woman nods, reaching up to kiss his cheek and pluck the garment from his grasp. “If something doesn’t fit, just tell me,” he says quickly. “I can alter it real fast before you go.” 

She throws him a thumbs up before she wanders over to the fitting room area, unzipping the back of the dress to pull it on. 

It fits her absolutely perfectly. The material accentuates her curves, and it shows off enough of both her legs and her chest to make any person that’s attracted to women fall to their knees. 

The only conundrum she faces now is how exactly to get out of it. She tries to reach behind her for the zipper, but it’s too far up her back to reach; she attempts in vain to pull it over her head, and by the time several minutes have passed, she’s still stuck inside, except this time, half of her face is covered by the dress. 

“Dame? Jack?” she calls, managing to pull the curtain aside enough to get out. Her body is still mostly covered, so she doesn’t mind stepping out of the room. What she doesn’t expect is to bump into somebody on her way to look for her friend. “Whoa, sorry!” she yelps shyly, backing up quickly. 

She can’t get a good look at the person due to her obscured vision, but for some reason, the hands that come up to steady her shoulders are familiar. 

“Are you in search of assistance?” 

The voice is teasing, sweet, and Regina finds herself saying yes before she can even contemplate why she feels so safe in the presence of the unknown owner of it. 

“I got it on,” she says meekly. “But it’s been a trial getting it off, if you couldn’t tell.”

The woman-- Regina has figured out that it’s a woman based on the lilt of her voice-- laughs.

“This is why I’ve never gotten into the whole _wearing a dress_ thing,” she says. “It’s much easier to get out of a blazer than these odd contraptions.” 

Regina chuckles at the comment, ready to open her mouth to give a quip back, when the part of the arm hole that was stuck on her head falls back into place and the skirt settles back on her waist properly. Fingers play with the baby hairs on the back of her neck for a moment as they pull the zipper up and back to unstick it. 

Finally, she’s free to turn around to thank the nice woman who helped her, only to find herself face-to-face with a dark three-piece Italian suit that looks more expensive than some of the salaries of the people Regina manages. She takes in a red tie that she recognizes, since she’s the one who bought it as a gift, and her eyes drift further up until she’s greeted by a million dollar smile that she could pick out in a crowd. 

“Janis Sarkisian, as I live and breathe.” 

“Hey, Regina.” 

Regina takes in her childhood best friend; she’s taller than the blonde remembers-- though that may be due to the fact that Regina isn’t wearing heels for once-- and her edges are more defined, mature. She’s pretty much the definition of _hot._

She wants to say something in reply, but before she can get a word in, Damian and Jack come back with a measuring tape and several pairs of shoes. 

“I’d like to give myself a pat on the back for this,” Damian says to his assistant, gesturing to Regina. Jack nods enthusiastically, and the stylist only grins wider when he sees how close together Janis and Regina are. “I see you two found each other,” he teases. “And look! Your outfits match. I’m glad you’re continuing your reign as the hottest couple at any event that you go to.”

Regina blushes so hard that she feels like she’s the color of her dress, and she knows her old friend can tell. Damian, however, seems oblivious, not paying any mind to the silent staring match going on between two of his former schoolmates. He bustles around, taking the shoes that Jack was holding and placing them on the floor in front of Regina. They’re the ones that the blonde was eyeing earlier. 

“Here,” he says. “Try these while I go and write out the bill for your mom.” 

He shuffles away quickly, and Janis waits until they are alone once more to speak. 

“Long time no see.” 

“Nine years,” Regina replies without missing a beat. 

Janis nods, brown eyes wandering over her, lingering on the other woman’s assets for perhaps a bit too long before she snaps her gaze back up to blue irises that are now filled with amusement. 

The brunette coughs. 

“You look good.” 

The comment causes Regina to blush further, and she bites her lip to stop herself from smiling too hard, meeting Janis’ eyes with practiced confidence before she answers. 

“So do you.” They hold each other’s gazes once more, Regina breaking contact first to look Janis over, but then, a thought crosses her mind. “Not that it isn’t great to see you-” she rolls her eyes at the smugness of the woman’s expression at the words- “but what are you doing here?” 

Damian comes back just as Janis is about to reply, doing one last look at Regina’s dress, hemming a spot in the back that looks messier than the rest of the dress. Janis watches carefully, and Regina rolls her eyes when Janis starts to imitate her best friend behind his back. She tries not to giggle too loudly, just in case it accidentally makes her move too much; she snorts to herself at the thought. 

_What a headline that would be. Daughter of socialite and CEO pinned in the ass for laughing too hard._

The rest of Regina’s fitting goes like that, though. They make faces at each other, trying not to smile too hard, and it almost feels like old times. 

Regretfully, Regina cuts it short. 

“Dame,” she chides gently. “The dress is perfect. Don’t worry; I’ll tell everyone where I got it.” 

He tries to refuse, but she raises a hand. 

“There’s absolutely nothing more you can hem or sew. I love it.” She smiles down at him where he still has several pins between his teeth and his glasses are slipping down his nose. “Besides, I really have to be going. According to Gretchen, there’s a shortage of hors d'oeuvres.” 

“Wow, what an emergency,” Janis chimes in, and Regina laughs louder this time.

If she’s being truthful, the banquet hasn’t been at the forefront of her mind for the first time in weeks since she stepped foot into the shop. She thinks it has something to do with being around an old friend again. By the time she and Janis were about to start talking-- before Damian interrupted-- she’d almost completely forgotten why she was even buying a dress. 

Janis tends to do that to her, tends to make her forget. Even after all these years. Besides, she still hasn’t gotten an answer on why the woman is even in Chicago again, and her musings continue all the way out the door. She pulls out her phone to order a car-- garment bag in one hand-- suddenly regretting that she told Gretchen she didn’t need a ride, when she feels a presence near her.

“Do you want me to drive you?” 

Janis is leaning against her car-- a black Porsche that seems to be decked out from front to back-- looking like a Vogue model that just stepped off the set in her more simple, linen grey button up and a pair of dark, low-slung jeans. 

Regina swallows hard, trying to think of something to say. 

“Do you still go as fast and hard as you did in college?” 

Janis smirks at her, and Regina feels her heart stop. She’s not sure if she’s talking about the car anymore, especially when Janis answers: 

“You know I do.” 

***

“Jay, _faster.”_

Those are not words that Regina ever thought she would speak while inside a sports car owned by Janis Sarkisian. 

“You feel so good around me.” 

Regina bites her bottom lip, not gracing Janis with a reply as the woman’s fingers thrust in and out. They’re not far away from downtown now, still slightly in suburbia, and when Janis had pulled over onto a side street a few minutes ago, the blonde had been confused, ready to ask what was wrong when suddenly there were lips on hers and a hand on her cheek. Regina isn’t exactly sure whose fault it is, but at some point during the ride, Janis’ hand had hooked itself on the inside of her knee, and from there, the blonde couldn’t really focus on the idle conversation they were having. 

She hadn’t been able to stop shifting, which only caused the heat between them to boil over. 

Which is how Regina ended up in the backseat of Janis’ Panamera with the seats folded down so they could spread out and the brunette’s hand down her pants. 

Pulling back from another kiss to catch her breath, the reality of the moment hits her. She’s in the back of her car with her best friend-- her ex-love who took her virginity-- and it feels like they’re young all over again. 

“God, you’re just as good for me as I remember,” Janis whispers into her ear, and Regina is glad that she’s flat on her back, otherwise her knees would have given out at the words. 

She wraps a leg around Janis, pulling the woman closer by the shoulders and doing her best not to come too fast. She hasn’t had a good hookup in years-- it comes with the territory of trying to save the world one planted tree, one school seminar, at a time-- and Janis’ skills are the best reminder of what sex should feel like.

Moaning loudly, Regina sends a quick thanks to whoever invented tinted windows and to her and Janis’ past selves for changing out of their incredibly expensive clothes before leaving. Janis seems to sense that her mind is wandering, so she increases the pace of her fingers, wrenching away from where she was laving attention over Regina’s neck and moving lower until she’s shoving tight skinny jeans down and pulling ruined lace aside to tongue at the crease of the blonde’s thigh. 

“Don’t tease,” Regina begs, her head tipping back and whining as Janis readily obeys and wanders over to start licking around her clit. 

She feels Janis’ smirk against her, but she doesn’t have the energy to snark anything back, instead snapping her hands down into brunette tresses and pushing the woman’s face closer to the apex of her thighs. 

Regina is close, and she can’t hold back any longer when Janis crooks her fingers just so and sucks at her clit. Her back arches and her heels dig into the other woman’s back as she falls apart. 

“Fuck!” the blonde gasps, spilling onto Janis’ palm, wetness soaking into her already ruined underwear and stars exploding behind her eyes. She groans quietly when she feels long fingers pull out of her, and a practiced tongue gently licking up some of the mess that spread onto her thighs. 

Regina lies back catching her breath, an arm thrown across her eyes as she tries to force her pulse to calm down. She’s acutely aware of how familiar, how comforting, and how _dangerous_ this is for her barely intact heart. 

Finally, Janis trails her way back up, eyes dark and looking quite proud of herself, so much so that Regina forces her feelings aside and pulls the woman down into a kiss to wipe the smug look off her face. 

Quickly, it grows softer, and Regina almost feels like they’re in high school again, making out in art room closets and childhood bedrooms. She smiles into it, thinking of late nights watching the stars move across the sky, of tender good mornings in front of her locker. 

Janis presses her tongue into the kiss, and Regina’s mind is shoved forward in its wandering of the past, to college, to dorm room nights where the woman on top of her would make her laugh until her stomach hurt and then take her to dinner, when they would watch old rom-coms and Regina would whisper the confessions of love into Janis’ ear as they happened on screen. She remembers sunset picnics, getting lost in the middle of the night on the way back from a drive-in theater; her eyes tear up slightly as Janis kisses her neck and her mind snaps to a specific moment: Janis in her lap, whispering that they’d love each other forever, even if they had to say goodbye. 

A hand skates over her stomach, and Regina finds herself imagining a life where things were different, where they tried harder, where making out in the back of Janis’ car on the east-side before an event was the norm, where commitments to the world were set aside in favor of love, and promises didn’t have to be broken. 

Regina swallows hard, trying not to think of her regrets and finding the perfect excuse not to when Janis’ hand wanders down once more to skate through renewed wetness. Together, they build the pace, Regina grabbing at Janis’ back in a silent plea for her to go faster until she’s so close to the edge that her whole body aches. She’s about to ask the brunette to make her come when Janis whispers something into her neck that makes Regina’s heart pump even faster. 

“What was that?” she asks, even though she’s almost positive she heard it right. 

Janis doesn’t reply for several moments, fingers curling back against the blonde’s front wall in a way that makes her whine and writhe. 

“Said I forgot how hot you are like this,” Janis gasps, her wrist still moving quickly. “Forgot how good this feels. I missed this. Missed you.” 

The confessions make Regina grow slicker, and she presses her hips up, pulling Janis down into a rough kiss. 

“Please,” she murmurs into her mouth, and Janis grins against her as she adds a third finger, speeding her pace until Regina is coming around her fingers for the second time in the span of a half hour. 

They kiss for several moments longer, Janis working Regina down from her high before she pulls out and wipes her fingers off on Regina’s jeans. 

She smiles, and Regina feels her breath catch. 

“Hey,” Janis whispers, looking down at her, and Regina rolls her eyes. 

“Hey there,” she laughs, tangling her fingers in brown hair once more and scratching at Janis’ scalp until she’s relaxing against her and cuddling close. 

“Still so beautiful,” the brunette whispers into her ear, and Regina blushes, hugging Janis closer, and somehow, it feels even more meaningful and reassuring than their earlier, more indecent activities. 

“Still so smooth,” she quips back, trying to keep up, and her heart skips a beat when she feels a laugh vibrate against her neck. 

They lie there for a moment, until Regina catches sight of her and Janis’ dress clothes hanging on one of the handles above the backseat door to her left. 

“Shit!” she says loudly, sitting up and taking a groaning Janis with her. “What time is it, Jay?” 

“Why?” Janis mumbles, until she realizes the problem as well. She scrambles to grab her phone from the front seat. “Fuck! It’s five-thirty.” 

Regina scrubs over her face. 

“I can’t be late to my own event!” She rushes to make herself halfway decent. “God, Gretchen is probably worried like hell, the poor girl.” 

She searches for her phone in her jeans that were discarded toward the trunk-side of the car. As predicted, there’s almost ten messages from her assistant asking where she is. 

**[Regina George, 5:31pm]:** _So sorry! My phone died, and I got caught up with a few old friends!_

 _Caught up, huh, Regina?_ she thinks to herself. She almost wants to lean in for another kiss, but she forces herself to keep her hands to herself. 

Looking regretful, Regina looks at Janis, who looks as hot as ever in a rumpled shirt and unbuttoned jeans.

“We should get going.” 

***

Janis parks them a few blocks away from the hall so they can get dressed in the backseat, both taking a few breaks from doing so for a few intermittent kisses. 

Regina helps Janis tie her tie, and in return, she does the zipper on the blonde’s dress. 

Finally, they look presentable, and they quickly get out of the car, taking a moment to stand in front of each other, Regina’s arms around Janis’ neck and the latter’s hands on the blonde’s waist. 

“You look pretty,” Janis says quietly. 

Regina smiles, flushing slightly before replying shyly. 

“As do you. Thank you for driving me.” She leans her head against Janis’ shoulder briefly, groaning-- and awaiting an innuendo-- when she hears the woman chuckle before answering. 

“It was very much my pleasure,” Janis replies smugly. 

Regina narrows her eyes at her, but there’s no real conviction behind it. Janis kisses her softly, and all is forgiven. 

“Just so you know,” Regina starts, fingers straightening out Janis’ collar. “I missed you too.” 

Janis brightens at that, kissing her ex’s forehead. 

“Can I see you again?” 

Regina blushes and nods. 

“I have the same number; I’ll be here for the next couple days before I’m off again.” 

“Saving the world?” Janis teases. 

“You know it.” Regina grins up at her. “Guess we’ll have to savor the time together,” she murmurs, her tone slightly suggestive but mostly hopeful, longing even. She feels her phone buzz in her purse and knows she has to be going. She pretends to fix a button on Janis’ shirt just so she can linger a little longer. “Text me?” 

There’s a nervousness in the words, and Janis nods down at her, suddenly serious. “Promise.” 

They look at each other a little longer; Regina feels her heart in her throat, and there’s so much she wants to say in the moment. There are words on the tip of her tongue, but they won’t come out, not yet. 

“I really have to be going,” she whispers sadly. “But I’ll see you soon?” 

“Yeah,” Janis laughs quietly. “I’ll see you _quite_ soon.” 

Regina isn’t exactly sure what she means, so she rolls her eyes and kisses Janis’ cheek before she backs away and starts to walk toward the intersection to cross the street in the direction of the hall. She looks back over her shoulder, smirking when she sees brown eyes on her before she realizes that Janis is walking in the same direction. 

She doesn’t think much of it until a finger taps her on the shoulder. 

“Excuse me; are you the head of outreach at George Enterprises?” 

It’s teasing and light, which confuses the blonde even more than she would have been. 

“Jay, you know that I am; why are you--” 

“I’m Janis Sarkisian,” the brunette laughs. “The new COO of Art Therapy Worldwide. Are you the beautiful woman who organized this whole event to help my non-profit?” 

Regina gasps. Suddenly, it makes sense. She never told Janis where exactly she was going, but somehow, they’d ended up in the right place. Playing along, she sticks her hand out. Janis takes it, grinning. 

“Why yes, I am,” the blonde answers, laying it on thick. “What an absolute _pleasure_ to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that you like it! i have zero experience reading or writing high society, besides the occasional thought i'll throw into the dm void with my best friend, so if i got anything wrong or there's anything you think i should include, let me know down below! 
> 
> if you had a favorite line or moment, feel free to let me know that too, or you can just drop me a kudo to make me smile :)
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. my ask box is always open for whatever's on your mind. 
> 
> be safe x


	2. this reminds me (of when we were young)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension between them is palpable the entire night. 
> 
> Regina dances with potential investors, and across the room, she can feel dark eyes on her. She shakes hands with a man who kisses her hand, and in a flash, she’s being dragged away-- first, behind the curtain of the stage, and again back into the dark room where they shared their impromptu make-out session-- before they’re somehow behind the hall and in a tiny, secret garden. 
> 
> Every time Janis tugs her away from her responsibilities inside, Regina finds herself drowning further and further in their glorious youth, in memories of holding hands, in late nights where they ventured outside and convinced themselves that they could catch droplets of rain and throw them back into the clouds. 
> 
> (Or, the gala, and what ensues thereafter.)  
> Janis bows in front of her, asking to dance, and Regina feels seventeen all over again, swaying to an old song their parents love, every word whispered in her ear from familiar lips. The woman holding her kisses the top of her head, and moments long discarded come rushing back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! back at you with another chapter. i'm very happy to say that this fic WILL have a posting schedule (probably every 4-5 days), so i hope that you'll stick with me through the rest of it. i did up the chapter count by one too, sooo yeah. i hope that you enjoy this; i've definitely had a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> again, you can listen to a playlist with all the songs that make me think of this au [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3zlrJe4DvnNMIETqYGhorz?si=kB1-qm-_QkOYf-5ogA4JDw)
> 
> i update it! 
> 
> (fic title from eastside by benny blanco; chapter title from when we were young by adele)

Despite schmoozing potential donors and investors on completely opposite sides of the room, neither Regina nor Janis can take their eyes off the other. They had decided to enter separately, and had Janis not acknowledged their past knowledge of each other-- referring to Regina as purely an old friend for the sake of publicity and gossip-- during her thank you speech, all of their subordinates in attendance would have been none the wiser to any sort of relationship between the two. 

“It’s funny how paths cross repeatedly,” Janis says, raising her glass to the George table. “I guess certain things are meant to be.” 

Regina hopes that her blush isn’t too obvious when her ex-love winks at her as she steps off the stage, but from the way Kylie kicks her under the table, it’s obvious that at least those closest to her notice the expression on her face. 

Both of Regina’s parents look especially pleased too, and Regina can’t help but wonder if either of them stuck their hands where they didn’t belong in order to force the two women into meeting again. Reginald runs away before his daughter can corner him, and Sabrina’s answer is vague at best. 

“If you read the emails I sent you, then you would have known she would be here tonight.” 

“If you _texted_ me, maybe I would actually be able to read what you have to say, Mom!”

Her mother looks at her skeptically. 

“Well did you read the newest message I sent you?” She looks at her daughter with a satisfied smirk when Regina can’t say that she did. “If you did, you would know that we’re having lunch with the Sarkisians on your last day here.” 

Sabrina doesn’t allow her daughter to have another word, turning on her heel when she hears her husband calling. 

“Darling, would you like to dance?” 

Regina glares at the back of her mother’s head for a few more seconds, contemplating going after her when, suddenly, she feels arms around her waist, breathes in a familiar scent, and then she’s being pulled into one of the empty backrooms. In a moment of weakness, she allows herself to be taken by the moment. 

“Janis--” she starts, but she’s cut off with a messy, open-mouthed kiss before she can speak any further. 

It’s rough and also somehow sweet, and Regina is grateful for the height of the shoes Damian picked out for her, since they put her more at eye level. Janis’ hand creeps around until it’s playing with the blonde baby hairs, fingers tangling in them. 

Regina pulls back to protest. 

“You’re going to mess up my hair,” she mumbles, referring to the elaborate updo she’d managed to craft in front of the public bathroom mirror before the flood of guests entered the hall. 

“I like it down,” Janis whispers back, though she does stop tugging so hard. She leans in for another kiss, but now that they’ve stopped for a breather, Regina remembers why she cornered her mother. 

“How come you didn’t tell me you’d be here?” she asks, blue eyes meeting brown. 

Janis shrugs. 

“Your mom said she’d let you know in her monthly email.” 

“Who reads emails from their mother anymore?” 

Chuckling, Janis tucks a stray lock of hair behind Regina's ear. 

“I do.” 

Regina looks at her in surprise. 

“That’s what happens when you run off to Paris,” Janis jokes, leaning down for another, softer kiss this time. “Your parents get worried that you’re getting up to something.” 

“Well weren’t you?” Regina prods, humming the words against soft lips. 

“I’m Robert Sarkisian’s daughter! Of course I was.” 

That makes Regina roll her eyes, but she still doesn’t give up. 

“It still would have been nice if you let me know.” 

Janis nips at Regina’s bottom lip, grinning when she hears the blonde gasp, before she lays it on thick. 

“I don’t like mixing business endeavors with the personal.” 

It’s so smug that Regina groans quietly, burying her face briefly in Janis’ chest. Janis allows her to stay there, enjoying the transition of faux-annoyance to amused laughter. 

“I know; I’m hilarious,” she tells the woman against her drily, and Regina reaches forward to shut her up with a kiss. 

_***_

The tension between them is palpable the entire night. 

Regina dances with potential investors, and across the room, she can feel dark eyes on her. She shakes hands with a man who kisses her hand, and in a flash, she’s being dragged away-- first, behind the curtain of the stage, and again back into the dark room where they shared their impromptu make-out session-- before they’re somehow behind the hall and in a tiny, secret garden. 

Every time Janis tugs her away from her responsibilities inside, Regina finds herself drowning further and further in their glorious youth, in memories of holding hands, in late nights where they ventured outside and convinced themselves that they could catch droplets of rain and throw them back into the clouds. 

Janis bows in front of her, asking to dance, and Regina feels seventeen all over again, swaying to an old song their parents love, every word whispered in her ear from familiar lips. The woman holding her kisses the top of her head, and moments long discarded come rushing back. 

_They’re twelve; the world is perfect; nothing hurts. They share a kiss inside Janis’ blanket fort. It only happens because they’re curious, and they don’t trust anybody else to be their first._

_They’re fifteen; things are harsher; Regina finds herself weighed down by responsibility. She’s in Janis’ lap, lamenting a bad grade; their second kiss. It’s past midnight, and technically, Regina shouldn’t even be over-- she snuck out the window and ran the three blocks between their houses-- but neither of them care. It feels like a perfect chord, like summer rain; Janis kisses her harder. She guesses this could be classified as their third one; her toes curl, and Regina thinks that maybe everything is going to be okay._

_Then, seventeen, lying in bed, sneaking their hundredth and hundred-and-first kisses between homework and college applications. Janis whispers ‘I love you’ between them until it becomes impossible for Regina to tell the difference between those three words and silence._

_Kiss #200: High school is almost over; they sit on the roof of Janis’ car, count the stars, and they both swear anything is possible. The moon shines down particularly bright, and they vow to each other that one day they’re going to take over the world together and make it their kingdom._

_They’re so in love it almost hurts._

Seconds, minutes, hours, flit behind Regina’s eyelids as they continue to sway, the sounds of the city around them. 

_They’re eighteen. They’re nineteen. They’re twenty; twenty-one; twenty-two; twenty three--_

Life moves fast. 

Regina reaches up for another kiss; she’s unsure what number they’re at by now. She’d stopped counting eventually, having started taking each one for granted when she still believed that they could have each other and life wouldn’t get in the way. Janis kisses her back, smiling, and Regina finds herself simultaneously crushed by the weight of hope and heartbreak. 

The world is less kind, now, and when the blonde forces herself to look away from adoring dark eyes that some part of her still believes hold the secret to the universe, she idly wonders where the creases in Janis’ nice dress shoes came from. 

She finds thrill in the escape of wondering, in acting as though she and Janis never left each other, in pretending that the lines in the leather came from another event they attended together the week prior. She finds solace in wine stained lips, in stolen fantasies, in pretending like this exact moment isn’t the kind that breaks her heart just right. 

It’s ridiculous to feel this way; she’s at a work event. But this is her ex-love. The last person she felt safe enough to fall asleep in the arms of with the knowledge that she would awaken whole and okay and loved. 

Janis twirls her; Regina laughs. She can’t remember the last time she felt like this. 

Eventually, Janis insists that they have to go back inside so that she can lay it on thick with a few more potential donors-- especially when she sees her assistant, Sonia, waves and points at a man who looks quite rich that isn’t being pampered. She successfully gets his name and phone number in a matter of minutes, and Regina looks on, sufficiently impressed. However, she quickly realizes that Janis is making her way along the entire back wall, and to the blonde, that’s completely unacceptable. 

She pulls her checkbook from her purse, writing out a number with a few more zeros than normal and hands it off to Sonia, who immediately gapes and stares at the number. 

“This should cover whatever Jay would have talked her way into tonight,” she laughs, patting the woman gently on the shoulder before speeding through the crowd until she can grab Janis’ hand, whisper what she’s done, and ask if she’d like to leave a bit early. 

Janis doesn’t have to be told twice. 

They’re out the back door in a matter of minutes, and Janis definitely rides a little over the speed limit all the way to Regina’s hotel. The elevator is quick, but the fact that there are several other passengers makes it so that both of them have to keep their hands in proper places. 

Finally, Regina is able to drag Janis in the direction of her suite, and it takes several tries for her to unlock the door from the way her hands are shaking and Janis’ fingers are insistently pressing over her hip bones and wandering close to her chest. When they fall inside, the wall directly to the left of the door trembles with how hard Janis pins Regina to it. 

They kiss for several moments, messy and devastatingly desperate, until the blonde is arching her back off the wall and whimpering against the other woman’s lips. 

Janis looks down at her in pity, and quickly, she’s carrying Regina to the bedroom, shoving the door shut with her foot and removing her dress reverently until the blonde lies there absolutely ruined in front of her. They move in tandem, and by the end of a hard and fast second round, Regina lies back, her sweat soaking into the sheets and feeling more satisfied than she has in years. 

With practiced ease, she pulls on Janis’ button up that was discarded on the floor, does a few buttons, finds the energy to swing herself into the woman’s lap where she’s sat upright. 

She rolls her eyes as brown eyes train directly on her chest since it’s right in front of her face, and Regina swallows hard when blunt nails start to ghost over her stomach. 

“How was Paris?” she asks, hoping to distract Janis from her body for at least a moment. 

She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she gets too used to the woman’s touch again and has to leave. 

“Boring.” Janis’ voice is lazy, relaxed, and her movements continue to leave goosebumps in their wake. “Art was nice.” 

“Your observations are always so smart,” Regina teases.

“What can I say?” Janis replies easily, humming quietly as Regina’s fingers come up to rub at her scalp. “I’ve always been this way; falling for a girl and staying with her all the way through business school, wanting to give up our responsibilities and get out of this scrappy, shitty city, being told that she’d rather save the world. Getting my heart broken.” 

There’s no real sadness or anger in Janis’ voice, just exaggerated lamentation, and it only serves to make Regina smile down at her affectionately. 

“Decided to live in the City of Love for a bit to try and make myself feel better,” the brunette continues. “It was hot. A lot of cigarette smokers. I tried it. Wasn’t for me. Here I am.” 

Regina giggles quietly, and Janis’ purposeful indifference only serves the humor of the moment further. She’s sure that there are a few things that the woman is leaving out, but she doesn’t press, instead enjoying the way Janis is looking at her, savoring the feeling of being in the woman’s lap with strong, familiar arms around her waist. For the first time in months, Regina feels solidly in the present; even though she loves her work, loves what she decided to do with her life, something about being back in Janis’ arms makes her feel safer than she has in years. 

It feels more intimate than anything, despite the night they’ve had so far. 

Janis’ hands have moved on to rubbing gentle circles over her lower back, and Regina finds her eyelids growing heavy. She shakes herself out of it. 

“Really,” she murmurs. “Tell me about it. I don’t mind if you had fun there.” 

Shrugging, Janis holds her tighter. 

“It wasn’t anything close to the fun I had with you,” she says, her voice tinged with regret and something that Regina can’t quite put her finger on. She knows Janis is being purposefully flirtatious to avoid the question, so the blonde doesn’t reply, her fingers still gently caressing the back of the woman’s head. 

Janis takes the silence and understands that her ex-love is serious about what she’s asking. She nods, heaving in a deep breath. “It was alright for a little while,” she admits. “But eventually, I missed home.” 

Regina raises an eyebrow at her in answer. 

“I know; it’s surprising,” the brunette laughs. “But I felt so alone out there.” 

Trying to lighten the mood, Regina chuckles quietly. There’s jealousy in the pit of her stomach as she speaks, but she’d rather the night stay fun for a little while longer before they dissolve back into their past selves. 

“So you’re telling me that all those girls that supposedly followed you around the city didn’t help?” 

Janis rolls her eyes and smirks. 

“Have you been reading about me online, Ms. George?” she teases. 

“There was WiFi in Brussels,” the blonde defends. “Besides, it’s difficult to ignore that you were on the front page of every tabloid for almost six months with rumors of marriage to a different girl every two weeks.”

The first time she’d seen her on the front of some Brusselian newsstand tabloid, Regina hadn’t even needed to translate the words at the top of the page to know that it was Janis. Despite not seeing her face fully, she recognized the side profile, the aviators in her chest pocket, the ring on her finger-- a ring that Regina, herself, has too, tucked away between the other two pieces of jewelry that she carries with her everywhere. 

In the time that she’s been traveling the world, the photos of Janis she saw at the stands around the city were the only glimpses of the woman she got since they parted ways, somber and solemn, at Union Station, waiting for the train that would take Regina off to Spain for her first outreach project. They had agreed to break up the week prior, giving each other one last kiss goodbye through tears and a whispered promise that they’d see each other again one day. Their past faded out the second Regina stepped onto the train and for once forced herself to not look back to see Janis waving farewell. 

Regina never cared much for what the headlines said-- she knew that wasn’t _her_ Janis-- and soon, she convinced herself that she didn’t care, even though she knew that the main reason she stopped looking the woman up was to stop the pain that came with reading her name alongside somebody else’s. 

Janis seems acutely aware of her thoughts, and she squeezes the blonde’s hip gently. 

“Most of what you read probably wasn’t true,” she assures, kissing the hollow of Regina’s neck gently. “A lot of those girls were just friends, or people my parents sent to make sure I wasn’t getting in too much trouble.” 

That makes Regina laugh, the thought of Robert Sarkisian sending anybody to keep his daughter out of any spats hilarious, considering the fact that Janis is the most charming person to walk the Earth and would probably have whoever he sent wrapped around her little finger in a matter of minutes. 

“So what brought you back?” Regina probes. 

Janis grins up at her. 

“The thought of seeing you isn’t enough?” 

Regina blushes but pokes Janis in the shoulder, silently telling her that she’d like a real answer. 

Janis sighs. 

“According to my mom _you can’t be a runner forever,”_ she muses. “She said I needed to get off my ass, stop feeling sorry for myself.”

Her eyes look a little sad. 

“Damn, Mrs. S,” Regina tries to joke. “Harsh.”

“I know right?” Janis throws back, fingers edging up the other woman’s back until they’re gently stroking over her spine. Regina shivers. “But she was right. I needed to grow up, so my dad set up an interview with the board of ATW. Apparently an MBA from Yale and being a daughter of one of Chicago’s richest socialites can get you in the door, and a double major in art history and finance gets you the job.”

Smiling, Regina brushes some of Janis’ hair out of her face. 

“I’m happy for you, Jay,” she says quietly. “And I’m glad that you’re back.” 

Janis reaches up to kiss her in reply, and Regina feels drunk, feels giddy like the first time she and her best friend bought ice cream from the ice cream truck on a day where they weren’t supposed to have sugar. 

“I’m glad too,” the brunette whispers against her lips, laughing as Regina shrieks when she flips them over. “But I think we’ve done enough talking for a bit, don’t you? I would hate to not make the most of the time we’ve got.” 

Regina nods, giggling as Janis kisses over her neck and tickles her stomach gently. She holds the woman close, pulling at her hair until she’s falling apart once more and drifting off into a peaceful, secure sleep for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope that you enjoyed. if you did, let me know down below with a comment and/or a kudo! they always make me smile :)
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr, and my askbox is always open for whatever's going on in your head. 
> 
> be safe x


	3. and i can see us, lost in the memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please come have breakfast with me?” she asks, quieter this time. 
> 
> “Only since you asked nicely,” Regina teases, spinning away from Janis and pulling open the passenger door as if she isn’t the outreach director of a multi-million dollar company and in the city on business. 
> 
> Janis pumps her fist in satisfaction, and Regina sticks her tongue out at her as they both get set in the car. Everything about the brunette is stupidly hot, and Regina wishes it didn’t still affect her the same way it did when they were younger. 
> 
> The route to the cliff is familiar, and Regina smiles when halfway through, Janis grabs her hand and starts rubbing patterns over her knuckles. The city starts to thin out; a few of the buildings Regina’s used to are gone, more modern ones in their place; there’s less greenery than she remembers. She watches the world go by, and she remembers being with Janis just like this when they were kids, the sky and the ground blurring together as they made their way out to their favorite spot. 
> 
> (Or, the one where they get lost in the memory of what they had and what they could have been.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! as promised, here i am, four days later with the newest chapter. the entirety of this is a feels trip, so... prepare for an overbearing amount of fluff and simultaneous angsty feelings of regret. as always, i hope you enjoy. 
> 
> (chap title from august by taylor swift)

Regina groans when the ringing of an alarm pulls her out of her deep slumber. Cuddling into her pillow, she turns over, tugging the covers over her head as if that will muffle the noise. 

Briefly, it stops, and the woman smiles softly, getting set to go back to bed. 

The clock shrieks once more, louder this time. 

Sighing, Regina reaches out to shut the noise off, but as she’s searching for the button, she finds that it’s covered by a slip of paper. 

Odd. 

Finally, she cracks an eye open.

“Janis?” she asks, worry washing over when she realizes that there’s nobody next to her in bed until she unsticks the note from the clock. 

_Went to get us breakfast. Meet me out front in thirty minutes. Wear something that will make me die. -J_

She rolls her eyes at the bluntness of the note but gets out of bed all the same, surveying the extensive wardrobe she brought with her and ultimately deciding on a short, yellow and floral-patterned dress that accentuates her curves and a pair of wedges that give her just a tiny bit more height. 

Regina stares at herself in the mirror, pleased with her ensemble. 

Annoyingly, she wants to look good, so she applies light makeup, fixes her hair, and runs her fingers through it one last time before she steps out of the elevator and goes in search of Janis. 

Heat shocks through her body the second she sees the woman. 

Janis is up against her car, hip leaning on the bumper and elbow rested on the roof of the trunk, scrolling through her phone. It’s a different car than yesterday-- Regina guesses that Janis went to switch out her Porsche for the blue Corvette in front of her when she was still asleep-- and she swallows hard at the thought of being in the two seater in such close proximity to the brunette who looks like she’s just come from a car magazine photo shoot in her expensive looking polo and tight slacks. 

Blue eyes move over the woman further, and Regina smiles when she sees a mark she left peeking out from under the collar. She bites her lip, staring longer until Janis finally looks up from her phone, seemingly done reading her work emails. 

“Morning,” the woman says to her, grin so wide and gorgeous that Regina’s heart pumps faster in her chest. She notices a plastic take out bag at Janis’ feet, but she can’t quite read the text on it until she gets closer. 

_Oh._

In the heat of the moment last night, Regina had made a joke about how the only thing she missed more than sex was her favorite breakfast from the diner they used to go to just outside of the city. 

She can’t help but smile softly when she sees that it seems as though Janis had driven upwards of two hours to grab it for her. She feels almost guilty that the woman went through all that trouble. 

“When did you get up?” she blurts out. 

Janis raises an eyebrow at her that says _it doesn’t matter_ , but Regina knows that from the change in car, clothes, and food pick-up it was long before she was even stirring. She forgot how sweet Janis is, how thoughtful.

It makes her take a few cautious steps forward. 

The brunette seems to sense her trepidation. 

“Hey, don’t worry,” Janis laughs. “We can just go and have fun. Eat breakfast out on that cliff like we used to?”

Regina swallows hard. 

“If I remember right, we did more than just eat _breakfast_ out there,” she says, narrowing her eyes, and Janis shrugs in surrender. 

“I promise no funny business,” the woman says. “C’mon. It’ll be like old times.” 

The blonde hesitates; Janis pouts at her slightly, and before she can stop herself, she’s closing the rest of the distance between them. She hooks her fingers behind Janis’ back, affectionately exasperated— but secretly _extremely_ pleased— when brown eyes flicker down her body and back up. 

“You look to die for.” 

“Well that’s what you ordered,” Regina flirts, blushing when she feels hands wandering down her back and lower before they pull away. 

They make no move to seal the deal with a good morning kiss, continuing to stare at each other, Regina standing between Janis’ legs while her fingers play with the hem of her short dress. They’re both egging the other on, willing the other to break, until finally, Regina narrows her eyes slightly, and Janis acquiesces. 

“Please come have breakfast with me?” she asks, quieter this time. 

“Only since you asked nicely,” Regina teases, spinning away from Janis and pulling open the passenger door as if she isn’t the outreach director of a multi-million dollar company and in the city on business. 

Janis pumps her fist in satisfaction, and Regina sticks her tongue out at her as they both get set in the car. Everything about the brunette is stupidly hot, and Regina wishes it didn’t still affect her the same way it did when they were younger. 

The route to the cliff is familiar, and Regina smiles when halfway through, Janis grabs her hand and starts rubbing patterns over her knuckles. The city starts to thin out; a few of the buildings Regina’s used to are gone, more modern ones in their place; there’s less greenery than she remembers. She watches the world go by, and she remembers being with Janis just like this when they were kids, the sky and the ground blurring together as they made their way out to their favorite spot. 

She dozes off a little halfway through, but Janis never lets go of her hand, gently shaking her awake when they arrive at their destination. The outlook is still as gorgeous as Regina remembers when she looks out the window. Her main problem is that as soon as she steps out of the car, her legs feel weak, asleep from having sat in the car for so long. 

Playfully, Janis picks her up, and Regina shrieks with laughter; blue eyes catch sight of an older pair that looks like a couple smiling at them on their way back to their car. Regina feels her heart racing, but the woman holding her pays no real mind, searching for a smooth spot on the singular picnic table nailed into the grass before putting the blonde down. 

She reaches up to kiss Regina’s cheek gently before she’s jogging back to the car, pulling their food from where she’d placed it trunk, unwrapping things as she returns. 

“A breakfast burrito for the lady,” she starts, opening the container. “With a side of potatoes and extra bacon.” 

“That’s a lot of food,” Regina tries to argue, but Janis shakes her head. 

“You didn’t say that in high school.” 

“I didn’t have to fit into thousand dollar dresses in high school,” the blonde points out. 

She opens her mouth to make another point, but Janis shuts her up with a kiss. Regina relaxes into it; the woman standing between her legs grins. 

“I’ve known your order by heart since we were little,” she whispers against pretty pink lips. “Don’t pretend like it isn’t your favorite.”

“I can’t believe you drove two hours to get me a breakfast burrito,” she says adoringly. 

Janis shrugs, looking wholly unbothered. 

“You said you’ve been craving it.” She boops Regina’s nose. “Besides, you’re worth it.” 

She’s blushing too hard to argue with Janis any further, so Regina just turns to look out at the lake down below as she cuts off a piece of her burrito and bites into it. 

Despite trying to resist, the blonde can’t stop the easy smile that spreads over her face when the flavor hits her tongue; it reminds her of home, of early mornings and late nights. She remembers sitting in the diner with her dad after their first trip to watch a baseball game at Wrigley Field, basks in the memory of hanging out in the sticky faux-leather booths with Cady, Aaron, Damian and Janis until they’d eaten their weight in french fries and hamburgers, drunk on their youth and the thought that they were invincible. 

Regina feels brown eyes moving over her face. It isn’t lost on her that with the woman so near she feels like that again. 

She tries not to look at Janis while they eat, the quiet between them easy as Janis stabs into her steak and potato hash. She’s quite enjoying her meal, and the last thing she wants to do is give the woman another reason to have that dumb, attractive grin on her face. 

Finally turning to look at her when she’s eaten the entire burrito, she flushes brightly when the first thing that Janis does is swipe some sour cream from the corner of her lip with her thumb before sucking it into her mouth with a satisfied look on her face. 

“Don’t be annoying,” she chides, feigning exasperation. 

The comment makes Janis snort quietly and lean over for another kiss, and the easiness causes anxiety to creep up Regina’s insides. She doesn’t want to get used to this again. She doesn’t want to drown in the way this doesn’t feel like old times at all. It’s new; it’s better; they’ve grown, and if she squints just enough, she doesn’t see two people who only have a few days left together; she sees two people who never stopped loving each other. 

It’s painful and perfect that they’re in the spot where they first told each other _I love you_ , and Regina suddenly feels a surge of hurt and comfort all at once. She must look cold from the way she shivers due to the feeling, and her heart only cracks and cries out further in her chest when Janis wraps an arm around her, trying to keep her warm. 

Janis kisses her again, and Regina thinks to herself that this feels like a lot more funny business than the woman promised a lack of. It feels like too much. Having breakfast is fine; hell, even having sex is fine; but the way everything feels faded out-- the way Regina feels like if Janis asked her to run away right now, she’d say yes-- is totally, completely not. 

She creates a tiny bit of space between them. 

“How are Aaron and Cady?” 

_A neutral subject. Good choice, Regina._ She pats herself on the back. 

“They’re good!” Janis grins. “They have their hands full with their two little munchkins, and I still don’t understand why they’d move out to blazing hot California, but when I saw them they seemed happy.” 

“I can’t even imagine,” Regina laughs. “Aaron took over the company last year, and Cady is thriving with the whole marketing thing. _And_ being full-time parents too?” 

Janis bumps their shoulders gently. 

“I bet they don’t have as much fun though,” she jokes, and Regina shoves her back. 

“Don’t be gross, Jay!’ 

“I wasn’t!” Janis fires back, shoving another potato into her mouth obnoxiously. Regina rolls her eyes when the other woman starts to speak with her mouth full on purpose. “The family life seems good for them, anyway. They’re really fulfilling the whole high-school-college sweethearts thing, huh?” 

Regina nods with a smile, but inside, she can’t stop her imagination from running wild. She pictures the young Samuels children: Andrew and Alexandra, the way they run circles around their parents and make a mess everywhere. 

Suddenly, the image shifts. 

_There are still children chasing each other, but it’s not Andy or Lexi. Instead, it’s two nameless babies with blonde hair and Janis’ soft brown eyes. They’re in a house in Evanston— not too far from the diner so they could take the kids there too— and there’s a pool in the backyard. The scents of sweetness and love emanate from the kitchen. Regina comes home from work and Janis kisses her hello—_

She shakes herself out of it; it’s silly to try and rethink the years that have already passed.

“They made good choices,” she tells Janis quickly in order to avoid voicing the brief fantasy. 

Shrugging, the brunette continues to look at her intently, dark eyes full of knowing and also wonder. Regina feels like a piece of art. 

“Did we?” 

Regina doesn’t know how to reply. She stalls. 

“Did we what?”

“Did we make good choices?” Janis whispers, her voice seasoned and laced with something close to mourning. 

_You made a good choice getting this breakfast burrito_ , Regina wants to say, to joke, to break the tension between them. But from the way her ex-love is looking at her, she doesn’t think that will be enough. 

In lieu of answering, she takes a sip of water, trying to think of something to say. 

“We’re both helping people,” she starts, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “We don’t get to have some of the things other people do, but I’ve always liked being needed, doing things for other people.” She shrugs. “My parents and Kylie have always been focused on the finance bullshit, and that’ll be me soon. But for now, I like knowing what I’m doing matters.” 

“You’re so lame, baby,” Janis teases, and Regina fights the blush that threatens to spread down her neck at the last word. “I wasn’t asking about work. You know that.” 

Regina doesn’t grace the woman with any more of an answer, instead flipping the question back. 

“What about you? Do you think we’ve made good choices?”

“I try to think we did,” Janis admits, looking away to stare across the expanse of lake below the cliff. The wind moves it back and forth, and Regina wonders how one thing could ever bend so easily to another. 

Janis turns back to her, regret in her eyes, and in a flash, the blonde understands what it feels like to be the water, submitting to whatever the wind tells it. Her former love scoots closer, and she can’t believe she ever forgot that she’s always bent herself for the gorgeous woman next to her and that she enjoyed every second. 

There’s a pause in the conversation, and Regina knows that this is the perfect time to stand up, to say they should get going, but for some reason, she can’t bring herself to stop the conversation. 

Against her better judgement, she reaches out for Janis’ hand instead. 

“What makes you doubt that?” 

For a moment longer, there’s silence, but then, there are lips on hers, and Regina forgets all else.

_You. This moment. Us. That’s what makes me doubt what we’ve done._

It’s messy and sweet, and Janis squeezes Regina’s hand tighter in hers. They try to ignore the unspoken words. Janis’ food falls to the side, on the brink of spilling, but neither of them care too much. A tongue pries her lips open, and Regina finds herself falling all over again, her heart thumping in her chest and every fiber of her being itching to answer the challenge in perfect rhythm. 

Again, with Janis’ warmth against her, Regina feels like they’re young again, feels like they’re at Yale again, competing for the top spot and dreaming up their future. Over the years, just like when the woman kissing her had mentioned Aaron and Cady, her mind has wandered to various possible pasts and futures that could have been theirs: if they had tried to make it work, or if she had relocated after she found out Janis was in Paris. Maybe they would still be together; enjoying a long engagement or married with kids on the way and several homes scattered across the globe, making out early in the morning and cooking dinner together. 

It used to happen regularly, especially when she was on the plane. She would plug in a playlist Janis curated for her for when the turbulence was too bumpy, and dream, thinking of how she missed home, how she missed her ex, what could have been. She would drum up every scenario, every moment that they’d missed of the other’s; she would even imagine that the pillow she was leaning on was Janis’ shoulder, just so that she could actually fall asleep. 

But, of course, by morning, the pilot would have them cruising, close to their destination, and Regina would receive the itinerary for their newest program. She would read through it, see who they were giving scholarships to, and she would manage to convince herself that the happiness she found helping others could patch the holes in her heart, could fill the gaping void that Janis used to occupy. 

Even now, sitting next to the woman, the pull of the memories they share is strong, the urge to rethink and revise their life tempting. Some part of Regina knows that if she could go back and change things, she would. She would take back telling Janis her plans to use the family business to save the world, take back her laughter when Janis whispered _stay_ , and she thought it was a joke. Their most liminal moment was by that fire, Janis bathed in orange and red in the middle of winter just before the break was set to begin and Regina trying to book somewhere to live for at least a little while before she got on her feet. 

They were on opposite sides of the threshold between past and future, each trying to pull the other along though neither would give. Janis wanted to go back, to live like they’re young forever, enjoying the time they had in bed, to savor the butterflies in their stomachs and the laughter in their throats. Regina wanted to make something of herself, of the world, and she told Janis as much. 

She never loved and hated someone so much in a moment as when the brunette agreed, said she was destined for great things, told her she _should_ go, that she would look out for her name on the front of Forbes’ Magazine in the next few years. 

She never loved and hated someone so much as in the moment when Janis dropped her off at the station. 

_“The world isn’t going to save itself, kid.”_

I love you, Janis had wanted to say. 

_“You’re only eight months older than me, Jay.”_

I love you too, Regina had wanted to say. 

Neither of them said it, and on their bad days, they both regret it. 

It was one goodbye kiss later, and suddenly, Regina knew what it was to have a broken heart. 

Janis could at least feel satisfied enough that the rest of the world would get to live in the shine of her favorite person in the world. 

From there, they missed each other purposefully. The thought of seeing how much they were moving in different directions hurt too much. 

Most days, Regina tries not to have any sorrow about the life they could have had, and for the sake of her sanity, she tries not to read any more into the question Janis asked her, or the breakfast, or the way that this feels a lot more like a date than anything else. 

She finally pulls away from the kiss, hand still cupping the back of the other woman's neck.

“We made our choices,” she whispers quietly, refusing to let Janis go even as she does her best to stop the woman from creeping back into her heart. “We’re older, now. And I think that what we’ve done is smart for our futures.” Regina ignores how her voice shakes. “Wouldn’t you agree?” 

Janis runs a hand through her hair; Regina tries not to track the movement. 

“I would agree,” she answers finally. Her voice lacks the normal vibrato it possesses; her confidence is missing. 

If Regina were in the business of looking for a reason to change her mind, that would have been it. Instead, she swallows hard and taps Janis on the knee. 

“Hey,” she says quietly, gently using her thumb and index finger to urge Janis’ eyes back on her. 

She knows her best friend could resist, and it only makes her smile more when the woman turns back anyway. She’s unsure what she wanted to say, but it doesn’t matter, because Janis kisses her again. 

It’s perfect and loving, and so, so earnest, filled with a promise of all that they can’t have, all that they missed out on. Regina’s heart stutters in her chest. 

“Hey,” Janis replies softly after they mutually pull away, a gentle smile on her face. “Don’t think so much. Let’s do this while we still can.” 

Regina nods. Two more days to have fun, to relive their youth. 

It’s dangerous. She doesn’t care. 

_Two more days._

Janis throws their trash away, pulls her along until they’re back in the car. 

_Two more days._

Janis goes over the speed limit; for once, Regina doesn’t reprimand her, only laughs. 

_Two more days._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how do we feel? tell me down below in the comments and/or drop me a kudo if you're enjoying the fic so far! hearing what you all think always makes me smile :) 
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. my askbox is always open for whatever's on your mind 
> 
> be safe x


	4. you cling to my body like you wanted it forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She smiles, stepping out of the elevator and shoving her hands into the pockets of her slacks as she makes her way toward the blonde, who, despite the fact that she’s facing it, doesn’t even notice the elevator ding. Quietly, Janis creeps around a divider wall, rounding back around until she’s behind Regina. 
> 
> “You were gone when I woke up,” she whispers, rubbing her hands over blonde’s shoulders. 
> 
> For a moment, the woman tenses, but quickly, she recognizes Janis’ voice and breathes easier.
> 
> “There was some problem with the numbers of who we’re taking on the trip,” the woman whispers, still doing her best to continue shuffling through papers despite the fact that her hands are shaking as she feels the brunette getting closer. “I left you a note.” 
> 
> “I know.” Janis grins. “I read it, but that didn’t substitute waking up with you next to me.” 
> 
> (Or, the one where it's their last day, and they can't keep their hands off each other.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! it's sunday where i am so all i can say is happy SINday because you're about to read the smuttiest thing that i've ever written. it's a bit awkward to say i hope you enjoy but... i hope you enjoy ;) 
> 
> (chapter title from what a time by julia michaels)

Regina learns very quickly that there’s not much time for regret with the unholy activities she and Janis get up to in her second to last day, especially since they are no longer performing them in a hotel room, and instead have migrated to Janis’ very nice-- and very sound-proofed-- apartment. She tells Gretchen to take the day off, citing the fact that they should all have a little time with their local friends and family before they’re off to Italy. 

After that, Janis takes pretty much the whole day trying to set a personal record for how many times she can make Regina fall apart against every surface possible. They’re both grateful for Janis’ sturdy, non-load-bearing walls, and equally as glad that they have practice with making the other scream. 

In the beginning, Regina thinks that the woman is joking, but when she sees a nondescript but familiarly logoed package waiting by the bathroom sink, she reddens almost immediately. She’s unsure when Janis had time to order it, but the thought quickly flies out of her head when the brunette unwraps the dildo, locks it into the harness and makes all of her breath leave her body.

“Italy, huh?” Janis asks, after they’re done satisfying their desires for the moment, fingers moving over the freckles that dot Regina’s back, tracing patterns in them like she used to when they would lie in bed together. She would draw constellations, funny shapes, and when the blonde would ask what she was doing, Janis would always answer that she wasn’t going to miss an opportunity for her entire world to be her canvas. 

Regina would roll her eyes and flip over, but now, she just savors the feeling of importance that washes over, the confirmation that she matters to someone. 

“We’re going there to expand the company's reach,” Regina tells her, blushing when lips start to move over her shoulder. “We’re looking for teens interested in business and finance; we want to give out internships!” 

Janis smiles at how excited Regina sounds. 

“You know I’ve never been to Italy?” she murmurs, pressing even closer to the woman until she’s spooning her. “Is the pizza as good as they say it is?”

“Better than sex,” Regina answers. 

“Oh really?” Janis flirts. 

Biting her lip, the blonde flips over and nods. 

Janis straddles her hips. 

“You want to test that theory?” 

***

The contract that states that feelings aren’t an option is both unsigned but also agreed upon; Janis commits to making up for all of Regina’s lost orgasms over the years, and in return, the blonde spoils them both with an excessive amount of ordered-in food and drink. They know their time is coming to an end, and it’s as though they’re trying to make up for the nine years lost and the rest of their lives in the two days they have. 

Which is how Janis ends up walking through the front door of the George Enterprises skyscraper at nine-thirty in the morning. She breezes past an anxious brunette who tries to tell her that Regina isn’t very fond of unannounced calls up, but by the time she’s traveled the forty stories to the blonde’s private floor, it seems as though Gretchen-- as she found out the woman is named-- has given up. 

She smiles, stepping out of the elevator and shoving her hands into the pockets of her slacks as she makes her way toward the blonde, who, despite the fact that she’s facing it, doesn’t even notice the elevator ding. Quietly, Janis creeps around a divider wall, rounding back around until she’s behind Regina. 

“You were gone when I woke up,” she whispers, rubbing her hands over blonde’s shoulders. 

For a moment, the woman tenses, but quickly, she recognizes Janis’ voice and breathes easier.

“There was some problem with the numbers of who we’re taking on the trip,” the woman whispers, still doing her best to continue shuffling through papers despite the fact that her hands are shaking as she feels the brunette getting closer. “I left you a note.” 

“I know.” Janis grins. “I read it, but that didn’t substitute waking up with you next to me.” 

She kisses the side of Regina’s head, lips moving down further until they’re ghosting over her neck. She nips gently and smiles when she feels the woman in her arms go weak against her. 

“You look pretty,” she whispers, hands wandering over the fabric of the woman’s dress she’s never seen before. It’s patterned with vertical stripes, alternating between blue, pink, and white, and Janis loves how little it leaves to the imagination when her eyes inevitably drift down to the blonde’s chest.

“Well we are having lunch with our parents,” Regina replies breathlessly, leaning her head to the side when teeth start to scrape over her pulse point. She’s still reading a spreadsheet, and finally, Janis has had enough. 

She secures arms around Regina’s waist and pulls their hips flush, grinning when she hears the woman gasp and feels her press back for confirmation. 

“Jay?” she murmurs, her voice quivering when Janis forces them close even more insistently and she feels a distinct hardness that shouldn’t be there. “Are you--” 

A loud yelp accompanied by a crash interrupts the moment, and both Regina and Janis snap their eyes up in the direction of the noise. The blonde’s face goes red, but her companion seems wholly unbothered by the turn of events as Gretchen comes into view, looking equally embarrassed with a hand clapped over her eyes. 

Clearing her throat, Regina forces herself not to whine when Janis molds her front to her back. 

“Hi Gretchen,” she coughs out, holding in a gasp when she feels fingers moving up the back of her thigh.

“I have those charts you requested,” her assistant says, peeking through her fingers and deciding it’s safe enough to remove her hand from over her face. Quickly, she places the folder she was clutching onto the desk before stepping back. “Also, Jason Weems is on line three. He said something about wanting to work with the company to go to Italy.” 

Regina rolls her eyes. 

“He’s a little late,” she laughs. “Besides, that guy is greedy and will ruin our program. Tell him no and that his teeth still look like corn like they did in high school.” 

Gretchen’s eyes grow as big as saucers, but she pulls out her notepad anyway to jot it down. When she sees the woman’s surprise, Regina fills in the blanks. 

“He’ll know it’s a joke.” She bites her lip when she feels a laugh from Janis vibrate against the back of her neck, both of remembering the day that they yelled that at him across the courtyard after he tried to make a move on Cady. “If you could take the call for me, that would be great.”

“Will do,” Gretchen replies, starting to back away now that the conversation seems to have ended. “I’ll see you before you leave for lunch!”

Regina feels more at ease, now, and Janis seems to sense it, because she starts to move her hips in slow, almost undetectable circles until the blonde is fighting to choke down a moan. 

“Oh!” she breathes out, attempting to play it off as quickly as she can when she realizes that her assistant thinks she was calling to her and turns back around. “Actually, after you talk to Jason, why don’t you take the rest of the day?”

Gretchen looks at her skeptically. 

“Are you sure? You gave me one off yesterday--”

Regina nods vigorously, blood roaring in her ears due to the bulge that she can so clearly feel against the back of her thigh. 

“Go spend it with Karen before we’re off again!” she insists, trying not to sound like she’s having difficulty speaking. 

She knows Gretchen must be surprised, especially considering that it’s not even 10am, and her boss had called her specifically to work this morning since it’s Saturday, but Regina _really_ needs the woman to leave. It would mean that she and Janis would be the only ones with access to her floor, which suddenly feels quite necessary. 

“Wow. Thank you so much!” 

Her assistant doesn’t try to argue any further, turning around before the blonde can change her mind, not that she would, considering the large amount of wetness collecting between her thighs and the compromising position she’s in. 

“Have a good day!” she calls over her shoulder. 

“You too!” Regina manages to reply, watching intently as the elevator shuts before backing herself fully against Janis and craning her neck around for a messy kiss. 

Janis grins into it, groaning quietly when one of Regina’s hands reaches back to tangle in dark hair.

“Had a dream about you,” the brunette whispers, gasping for breath after the kiss and returning to her spot from earlier, starting to mark Regina’s neck properly. She smirks when fingers tug at her hair in an attempt to bring her even closer. 

“What did we do in your dream?” It comes out tight and needy, a moan following the words, and Regina can imagine the smug look on the other woman’s face at the sound. 

“Well first,” Janis whispers, pinning Regina by the hips to her desk. “You were naked.” Her hand restarts its journey up the blonde’s dress. “But since we can’t do that, I’ll have to make do.” Easily, she hooks her fingers in the elastic of lace panties and pulls them down, satisfied with the way they feel ruined. Tossing them to the side, she presses her lips to the shell of the blonde’s ear. “And then--” 

Janis loses her breath when blue eyes look back at her, dark and wanting. Regina presses her hips back insistently, heart racing. 

“And then?” 

“And then you were on your front,” Janis manages, taking hold of Regina’s shoulder and pressing her against the desk. “Just like this.” 

She grinds forward softly, chuckling when hears a quiet whimper as she pins the blonde harder to the wood. 

_“God,”_ Regina gasps, but she doesn’t resist, instead spreading her stance wider and arching her back to give Janis a good view of her ass. Her knees go weak when she hears the sound of a zipper being undone. 

“You okay?” Janis laughs, voice thick with want. 

Regina hums in reply. “Yeah.” 

“Good.” 

Regina feels her skirt being rucked up her hips, and she reaches up to the top of her desk to support herself as her entire body trembles. Blunt nails scratch at the base of her spine, and she turns her head to the side, tucking her face into the crook of her arm, breathless. Shifting uncomfortably and waiting for Janis to do something, she tries to keep herself standing. 

There’s several more moments of silence before she opens her mouth to protest. 

“Jay--”

Her voice pitches up into a whine and her knees almost give out from under her when, without any warning, Janis’ face is between her thighs and her tongue licks firmly up from her clit to her opening, pressing inside her briefly before moving down again and flicking at her bundle of nerves. 

Regina keens, right hand gripping harder at the mahogany of her desk as she tries to hold back from coming; she refuses to give in to Janis just yet, fully aware that there’s more in store for her if she waits.

Janis’ tongue moves over her relentlessly, though, and Regina has been wet for a while now so she’s not sure how much more her body can take. She leans away, attempting to escape the roughness of Janis’ movements but the brunette wraps an arm around her hips and tugs Regina back against her face, refusing to let her have a break. 

“Fuck,” she mumbles, arms giving out where they were barely holding up as she lays her cheek flat against her desk. Whimpering quietly, she presses back, deciding to give in. 

Janis chuckles and pulls away. 

Again, Regina tries to complain, but this time, she’s silenced at the feeling of the head of the strap against her, slowly moving through her wetness. 

“Do you need me to open you up any more?” the woman behind her asks teasingly. 

“No.” Regina shakes her head, her heart beating out of her chest. 

“What was that, gorgeous?” Janis whispers, even though she heard full well. 

Blushing at the compliment, Regina lifts her head briefly. 

“No!” She tries to sound annoyed, but the word turns into a whimper when Janis pulls her back roughly and bottoms out in one quick move. 

“Feel good?” Janis asks smugly, voice low and raspy. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Regina chokes, biting her lip hard to keep herself quiet. Janis circles her hips experimentally, and it makes Regina gasp for breath and lose what little self-control she had left. “ _Fuck!”_

That’s all the confirmation that Janis needs to start snapping her hips at her most quick and unforgiving pace, her arm around Regina tight as she fucks her hard. 

Regina grinds back against her, shivering and whining brokenly each time Janis thrusts into her, both of her hands gripping the top of the desk that she’s now glad she ordered at extra strength.

“How’s that?” Janis whispers in her ear. 

Moaning in reply, Regina tries to push back even harder, eager to keep up with Janis’ pace. 

She feels a hand tighten around her shoulder, and she gasps when Janis roughly tugs her up from the desk while simultaneously pressing closer until their bodies are flush, Janis’ mouth near her ear. 

“Answer me,” Janis requests, her hips still moving at an impossible speed. Regina whimpers at the move. Janis pounds into her harder. “I asked you a question.” 

_“Fuck, Jay,”_ the blonde breathes, her face flushing. “Feels really good.”

Regina is barely able to get the words out, leaning her head to the side when she feels lips on her neck and losing her balance slightly, before Janis tightens her grip on her. The blonde is grateful for it, knowing her legs are weak underneath her. 

She does her best to grip the desk to stay upright, though it becomes more difficult with each passing moment; the angle that Janis is entering her at has changed, and it makes every part of her react as the head of the toy hits her front wall. 

On top of that, Janis seems hellbent on touching every part of Regina before she comes, hands wandering until they’re palming at her chest. Fingers tug at taut peaks through the fabric of her dress, and blue eyes see stars as they slide shut in pleasure. 

“Are you close?” Janis teases, and Regina nods vigorously.

 _“Yes,”_ she gasps, her hips jerking back. “Yes, please. Jay-- God, _please, please--”_

Regina’s voice is pleading, begging, and it makes Janis grow hot under the collar at the words; she’d forgotten how much she loves hearing it, how much she loves being the reason that the woman loses control. The obscene sound of their sex and the rhythm Regina’s hips hitting the desk echoes around the empty floor, and it makes Janis’ heart speed as she scrapes her teeth along the juncture of Regina’s neck and shoulder.

Keening, Regina pitches forward, grinding her ass back in search of more. 

Quickly, Janis increases her pace, one of her hands rushing around and pressing two fingers against the blonde’s clit and rubbing firmly as Regina’s breath starts to stunt, another whine escaping her. 

_“Jay,”_ she begs again, and Janis grins, circling more roughly until she feels the blonde so close to breaking beneath her.

“Come for me, baby.”

The words are only just leaving Janis’ mouth when Regina cries out loudly, eyes squeezing shut even tighter as heat explodes in her gut and warms her body when she finally shatters, fingers tightening around the lip of the desk as she twitches and Janis starts to slow her pace, decidedly not stopping immediately and working Regina through her intense orgasm instead. 

She relaxes against the desk, and Janis follows, her own legs shaking at the sight of the other woman like this. 

“Oh fuck,” Regina gasps, forehead leaning against the desk. She feels on fire in the best way possible, and her entire being feels like it is vibrating from head to toe. 

Her body contracts when the fullness of the toy recedes, and the blonde shivers, cold now that Janis is no longer against her and has gathered herself enough to undo a few of the buttons on her dress shirt since she feels like she's burning up underneath the expensive fabric. 

She chuckles when she looks back up and Regina is still on her front, unable to move. Gently, Janis flips her over so that they’re face to face, leaning down to kiss the blonde’s cheek. 

They both blush at the tenderness. 

“I forgot how beautiful you are like this,” she whispers. 

“Thank you,” Regina replies automatically, and Janis shakes her head.

“No need to thank.”

It’s a habit Regina has been trying to get out of for as long as she can remember. All compliments have always felt transactional. Janis has always been the one to remind her that she’s gorgeous and loved no matter what. 

“I want you like this all the time,” the brunette confesses quietly, and there’s a weight to the words that makes Regina blush even harder. She’s on her knees, and Regina thinks that maybe she’s just going to clean her up, help her into the new pair of underwear that she knows the woman brought along with her. Janis has always been a considerate partner. 

She shifts, waiting for the woman to say something. 

“Babe?” 

All thoughts fly out of her head after that. Everything grows fuzzy.

Janis’ mouth is on her before she can prepare, and all she can do is moan and jerk her hips closer. If it were anybody else, Regina would be beyond embarrassed that this is already getting her going again, but with the brunette, she only reddens due to arousal as Janis’ skillful tongue flicks over her clit just right. She’s always loved the way Janis’ mouth feels against her, loved the sheer intimacy of the gesture, the way the brunette never pushes too hard, keeps her on the edge, always seems to know what she needs. 

“So pretty,” Janis murmurs against her. 

Whining, Regina comes hard once more, wetness running down her thighs as she trembles both from her orgasm and the words. 

Janis ruins her again on the couch, burying the strap inside Regina all the way to the hilt, hands braced on the back of the piece of furniture as she pounds in, thrusts measured and forceful. It’s so good, so hot, that Regina can do nothing but wrap her legs around the woman’s strong hips, beg for more, and grab at back muscles as she breaks once more, this time messy and uncontrollable. She falls back with Janis’ name on her lips, spent, sated and gasping. 

Regina’s eyes droop as Janis gently carries her to the private bathroom that she spied on the way in, placing her on the counter and wetting one of the hand towels to start cleaning her up. She places the dildo in the sink, running hot water over it as she kisses Regina’s neck softly, laving her tongue over the marks she left. 

The silence is soft and sweet, telling of their comfort with each other, and in a flash, Regina is reminded of a moment just like this--

_They’re twenty; Regina has been sick with the stomach flu for the past few days. She absolutely despises the feeling of throwing up, and Janis knows that._

_Her diet has been crackers, water, and broth-- which Regina considers to be the epitome of bland and boring-- and she needs help getting in and out of the bath. It’s a bit embarrassing for her; she’s always been so independent-- but Janis doesn’t mind much; in fact, she loves being helpful._

_“I’ll clean you up here,” Janis says, pulling a washcloth from the rack and wetting it. She wipes at the corner of Regina’s mouth, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “No use in getting you all shivery when you don’t like it.”_

_Regina smiles at the comment; she loves that Janis knows she hates the cold and cares enough to do something about it._

She’s pulled out of her thoughts when Janis pats a dry towel up her thighs. 

“Thanks,” she whispers, kissing the other woman’s nose. 

Janis’ smile widens at the move, and she laughs quietly when Regina squeaks as she picks her back up off the counter and starts to carry her back in the direction of the sofa, mouth gently kissing at her neck. 

She lays them down gently, flipping them around so that Regina is in her lap. She smiles when she feels warm breath against her neck as they both doze off, her hands rubbing up and down the blonde’s spine where she’d undone the zipper of her dress to allow the blonde to be a little more comfortable. 

Janis breathes in Regina’s familiar scent, her heart in her throat at how perfect, how familiar this all feels. This is far too intimate for what they agreed to, but neither of them care. 

Eventually, Regina pulls back, rolling her eyes when Janis pouts up at her and kissing the expression off her bottom lip. 

“I have to answer some last emails,” she explains, regretfully getting out of the other woman’s lap and grabbing her laptop. She moves to sit at her desk, but when Janis makes grabby hands at her, she snorts and returns to sit down on the floor, leaning against the brunette’s legs. She hums when she feels a hand threading in her hair and starting to rub at her scalp. 

It’s oddly cozy, even though they’re in Regina’s office, and they’re both acutely aware of how dangerous it is to fall back into their domestic tendencies. Janis pulls her phone out to play a game, other hand still massaging at her ex-love’s head, and Regina’s unanswered emails start to thin out. The love they’re sharing is gratuitous-- in many ways even more so than the sex they had-- and it’s as if they’re trying to collect every last drop of water that’s gathered in a rain barrel before a long drought. 

Janis’ need to kiss Regina is overwhelming; she needs to allow the love simmering below the surface to escape, and since she can’t say the words, it’s the next best thing. Regina seems to feel it too, and Janis chuckles softly when the woman shuts her computer and places it to the side before climbing into her lap, cupping her neck, and kissing her in one smooth move.

The kiss makes both of their minds go blank. It’s more gentle than last time, and it makes the breath leave their bodies. Janis’ phone falls out of her hand when her body goes slack, dropping to the floor, but they pay no mind to it, hands starting to wander once more. 

They stay like that for several moments, enjoying the easiness of the moment before it starts to get more heated; there’s more tongue in the kiss, and Janis’ hips have started to grind up slowly in search of friction. 

“‘Gina,” she murmurs roughly when Regina crawls off of her and gets on her knees. 

“Yes?” she replies, fingers undoing Janis’ belt and zipper before undoing the rest of the buttons on her dark dress shirt and spreading it open so she can see her body. 

“You’re beautiful,” the brunette replies without thinking, humming when short, perfectly manicured nails scratch over her hip and pull her pants and boxers down in one motion. 

An obligatory _thank you_ is on Regina’s lips, but one look from Janis silences. Instead, she turns the compliment around. 

“So are you,” she whispers, drawing patterns idly on Janis’ inner thighs as she ventures up. Her pulse is quick, almost dangerous in its speed, and all of her strength is going towards not saying anything that could ruin this moment, namely those three little words that she’s now sure she never stopped feeling. 

Instead of thinking about that-- it hurts too much-- she continues to tease, ghosting her index finger along tight abs, smirking when the woman groans. 

“Babe,” Janis breathes, hips jerking. “I need--” 

“I know,” Regina assures, tonguing over the crease of the other woman’s thigh until her hips snap forward again. “It’s okay; I’ve got you.”

For a moment, she enjoys the pretty blush spreading down the brunette’s cheeks when she looks up, before she presses up on her knees and licks a harder and fast stroke up. 

“ _Oh,”_ Janis moans, hands shooting down into blonde hair to hold Regina in place. “Yeah.” 

It’s slow and soft, both of them wanting to savor what time they have left, wanting to burn how this feels into their memory. Regina’s tongue is skilled and exploratory, and when she dips inside, Janis groans roughly. 

“God, don’t stop.” 

Regina flushes brightly and doesn’t, unable to quiet the thoughts that say she doesn’t ever want to, that maybe they should give up their lives and run away like they said they would when they were kids, as long as she can feel Janis falling apart underneath her like this-- vulnerable and gorgeous-- for the rest of time. 

She amps up her pace, suddenly incapable of going slow, wanting nothing more than to see Janis come from her and her alone. It’s selfish, possessive almost, but Regina hopes that she makes the brunette come so hard that for the rest of her life she thinks about her, her office, her last name across the building. She hopes that she ruins Janis for every other lover, so that one day-- someday-- maybe they can be together again. 

Her mouth moves rougher, tongue flicking up over Janis’ clit as she brings her right hand up, slipping a finger inside before pulling back and adding a second. The reaction is immediate, and Regina grins when she feels heels digging into her back. 

“Fuck,” Janis chokes, fingers tightening in blonde hair until it’s almost painful. She jerks her hips forward, searching, searching--

Both of their phones go off at the same time; Regina doesn’t let up even the tiniest bit. 

“‘Gina--” the brunette begs, hand briefly reaching out to look for her phone before Regina grabs it and shoves it back into her hair. “Please--”

Regina isn’t sure what she’s asking for, but Janis had ordered her not to stop, so she’s not going to until the woman comes against her tongue. It’s reckless; it’s stupid; it’s irresponsible, but none of that matters when she crooks her fingers just right, sucks hard, and Janis spills into her mouth, warm and wet. 

For a moment, Regina works her through it, throwing an arm over Janis’ hips to keep them steady and on the couch as her tongue continues to move.

Finally, Janis squirms away. 

“Sensitive, baby,” she murmurs, legs trembling where they’re still thrown over Regina’s shoulders. “Fuck. You’re so good at that.”

Regina blushes under intense brown eyes, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand as she raises herself up for a kiss. Janis groans at the sight; both of them look as though they want to say something--

Their phones ring again. 

Janis’ is closer, and as soon as Regina reads the message on the screen, she shoves the phone against the brunette’s chest and pops up. 

“Shit! We’re so late!” 

She scrambles to find her own phone, simultaneously using the mirror on the desk to fix her hair and makeup. Janis falls down trying to put on her pants. It feels like old times. 

Finally, Regina’s phone rings a third time, and she pulls open a drawer that the sound came from to see three messages from her sister. 

**[K, 12:31pm]:** where are you??? 

**[K, 12:35pm]:** please tell me you aren’t having sex 

**[K, 12:37pm]:** ok you’re definitely having sex. please just come dressed in something that doesn’t look like you just got fucked otherwise mom is gonna have a fit 

“Fuck!” she groans, doing her best to smooth out her dress. 

“It’s okay,” Janis tells her, looking equally a mess when Regina turns to look at her. “I texted your mom.” 

Regina’s eyes widen. 

“You did _what?”_

Janis chuckles. 

“Don’t worry; nothing bad! Just that I got you pregnant and that--”

“Jay!” Regina whines. 

“Fine, fine,” Janis surrenders, a grin spreading across her face. “I didn’t say that. I told her that we both got held up working, and that we’d be over by one.” 

Regina lets out a sigh of relief, though it isn’t lost on her that her pulse hasn’t slowed at all. She blames it on the other woman’s smile. 

“We have to go change.” 

Janis grimaces, clearly uncomfortable in her ruined boxers. “Agreed.” 

It makes them both start to laugh; the situation is so familiar, including the text that lights up on Regina’s phone just as they’re getting onto the elevator. 

**[K, 12:41pm]:** well i hope you had fun “working” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have... no excuse. i mean, well, y'all wanted a departure from the angst and you got it, so i hope that you're nice and happy this sunday afternoon lol. i'm just... not sure that you were prepared for almost 5k words of pure sin
> 
> anyway, tell me down below in the comments what you thought and/or drop me a kudo if you enjoyed; it really makes my day seeing if people like what i've written 
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. my askbox is always open for whatever's on your mind
> 
> be safe x


	5. break my heart right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The check changes hands many times over, until eventually, it ends with Reginald, who claims seniority and allows his best friend to order him and his wife a car so they don’t have to take a taxi. 
> 
> There are soft hugs goodbye, promises to write letters, and then all part ways, some tearful and others filled with a knowledge that their time away from one another is only temporary. 
> 
> Being with people they loved was sweet, a welcome change from the fast pace of business and management, but, still, the quiet peace Regina and Janis find in each other is a welcome change when they finally arrive back at the latter’s apartment. 
> 
> The place already feels like it belongs to both of them-- though the blonde has only been staying over for a few days-- and they’re both acutely aware of their own domesticity when they silently agree to spend the rest of their afternoon on the sofa together by the floor to ceiling windows in the living room.
> 
> (Or, their final afternoon and night together where they see family and reminisce. The one where they savor, before it's too late.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all. here's the penultimate chapter. be prepared for some fluff, some softness, and some angst, as you can probably tell by the chapter title. i hope you enjoy <3 
> 
> (chapter title from james bays' break my heart right)

“It’s great to see you two like this,” Sabrina remarks, making her daughter blush. 

“Like what, Mom?” she tries to ask quickly, but a pointed look from all the people they kept waiting at their intertwined fingers seems to do the answering. 

She drops Janis’ hand as if she’s been burned. 

“Jay just gave me a ride here,” she tries to defend, praying that the straps of her dress cover the marks Janis left as she sits down next to her sister. 

Immediately, Kylie kicks her. 

“Oh yeah? How many _rides_ has she given you today?” she snickers. 

“Mind your business.” Regina shoves her. “I don’t see you getting any.” 

“Yeah because I don’t have a super hot childhood sweetheart who’s always down to fuck,” Kylie snarks back. 

Reginald raises his hand. 

“Girls, please,” he chides, though he does look slightly amused. “Try to remain civil in public, or the tabloids will have a field day. And Kyland? Do mind your language.” 

“Full named!” Janis finally chimes in, sliding into the booth next to Regina. Kylie gapes in offense, but quickly, the woman gets back in her good graces. “And if you must know, I’ve given her _several_ rides today.” 

Kylie snickers and fist bumps the brunette. 

“Jay!” Regina complains, though she quickly softens when Janis kisses her cheek. 

“Sorry, baby.” 

Both women can feel the glee on their families’ faces when Regina turns to kiss her full on the lips, but they both choose to ignore it. That is, until they can’t. 

“Olivia should’ve known better than to get involved with someone who still clearly loved somebody else,” Janis’ father chimes in. He looks pained as soon as he says it, and it’s clear that someone-- either Janis’ mother or Regina’s-- stepped on his foot. 

There’s a deafening silence at the table as Regina’s glass slips from her hand and wobbles before Kylie catches it so it doesn’t spill and looks at her sister sympathetically. They’ve just ordered their food, and after the group went around the table and filled each other in on how the event went a few nights ago, there had been a lull in the conversation where perhaps Regina and Janis stared at each other too long. 

Which somehow, had given Robert Sarkisian the bright idea that he should reveal the only other relationship his daughter has had besides the woman sitting at the table. 

“Olivia was… fine, Dad,” Janis says quietly. 

“Not exactly a glowing review,” Robert replies, mouth quickly shutting when both his wife and her best friend turn to glare at him. 

Still, Janis swallows hard, unsure how to reply. 

“Your father just worries,” her mother tries to say, still threateningly eyeing her husband. 

“Don’t worry!” The brunette sneaks her hand down to take Regina’s under the table. “I’m happy, now. I like my choices.” 

Regina’s eyes widen at the words, knowing that the last four are just for her, as they hint at what they talked about at the outlook. The blonde leans into her slightly, and Janis smiles; the action-- again-- isn’t lost on anyone at the table. 

Before anything else can be said, Jennifer Sarkisian redirects the conversation with skilled precision, pulling her husband as well as the George parents into a discussion about golf. Regina is grateful for her in that moment, turning away from the other side of the table and nosing at Janis’ jaw. 

“Who’s Olivia?” 

“Ex-girlfriend,” the brunette answers, humming softly when Regina lays a kiss on her cheek. “She proposed to me.” Regina immediately pulls back, shock evident. Janis misses the warmth. “I refused,” she finishes quickly. 

Janis has always told people that it had to do with a difference in interests, in life expectation. She convinced herself of that, but deep down, she knows that the real reason is the woman right next to her who, even after nine years, still takes her breath away. 

Their conversation ends with Regina cuddling back against her, and Janis feels her heartbeat settle a bit. They tune back into the conversation at just the wrong time. 

“You must be glad to have such a successful oldest,” Jennifer says to Sabrina, whose smile broadens immediately. 

“We are. So happy,” the eldest George woman says. “Though we wish she were in town more.” 

Reginald looks up from his salad, narrowing his eyes at his wife. 

“Maybe she would be if that Shane boy hadn’t gotten the wrong idea and asked for her hand.” 

Sabrina scowls back at her husband. “How was I supposed to know that him asking if she was unmarried would lead to a whole entire proposal, Reggie?” 

“When a man asks, that’s always what it leads to,” Robert and his friend say at the same time, trying to seem wise. 

Both of their wives roll their eyes. 

“I still can’t believe that he didn’t know that ‘Gina doesn’t like what he’s packing,” Kylie chimes in, pressing her lips together and sinking into her seat with one look from Sabrina. “Sorry, Mom.” 

Regina’s face reddens at the entire exchange, and this time, it’s Janis who taps her gently.

“A man, Regina?” she asks incredulously. 

“ _Obviously_ , I said no, Jay,” Regina answers, leaving no room for any other questions. 

It’s not something they discussed in the past few days, too wrapped up in each other-- too convinced that they were the only ones that existed in the world when they were alone-- to think that there could possibly have been anybody else in the past decade. 

Again, Jennifer successfully resteers the conversation, turning to Regina to allow her to set the pace with a wink that says _I’m on your side._ The blonde smiles at the woman gratefully. 

“So, Regina, tell me about your work overseas.” 

From there, things start to go more smoothly. Regina goes on about her work all over the globe, only blushing slightly when her father or Janis chimes in that she’s being modest or that they’re proud of her. 

“We’re all proud of you,” the woman who she considers to be a second mother says. She turns to her own daughter. “We’re proud of both of you. Who knew that you girls would be so brilliant?”

“What about me?” Kylie interjects, and Robert turns to her. 

“Don’t worry, dear,” he laughs, his voice at a faux-whisper. “You’re really the brilliant one here; we just need to butter these other two up so they don’t try to run away again and this time not come back.” 

“Hey!” the other two younger women exclaim at the same time. 

“Remember their last winter up in Connecticut where they didn’t come home?” Sabrina reminisces. 

“Do I ever,” Kylie cuts in. 

“We used our own money to stay together!” her older sister cuts in. “And I bought K something nice that Christmas because of what happened!”

“No present will make up for what I saw,” the younger says dramatically. “I was scarred forever, seeing you two like that!”

“Not to mention that that’s money that we made for you!” Reginald laughs out, cutting into his steak. “A hundred thousand dollars for three months, ‘Gina, really?” 

“I was trying to make things special!” Regina fights back. “I had gotten the outreach position and--”

“You told me it was from your savings account!” Janis pipes in, and the blonde glares at her former love as the brunette bumps her shoulder gently. It makes sense; Janis never really was sure how her then-girlfriend had that much already in the bank. 

“It sure was a surprise to see that my eldest daughter rented out an apartment penthouse for three months in Connecticut when she didn’t even live there full time and was sure she and her girlfriend were coming home for Christmas,” Sabrina laughs. 

“We have a real-estate subsidiary!” Regina tries to fight. “The location was a really good investment, and now, that part of New Haven is starting to be built up! If I hadn’t found that place, we wouldn’t have bought buildings there.” 

“You mean if you hadn’t wanted to have one last winter sex marathon—“ 

“Kyland!” the George parents exclaim, looking over embarrassed at the Sarkisians, who just seem amused and in agreement with the youngest diner at the table. 

_“You haven’t seen the things I’ve seen,”_ Kylie replies darkly, cutting furiously at her lamb.

“I’ll agree that it wasn’t exactly our finest moment to have Kylie walk in on… our alone time,” Janis jokes.

Kylie shudders dramatically. 

The whole table laughs. 

“Can you imagine if we only decided to have one kid?” Reginald jokes, gesturing to his wife. “We would have been stuck with a troublemaker and nobody’s name to change in the will.” 

“Dad!” his older daughter complains. “I’m not a troublemaker! And we both know that you’re only soft for Kylie because she sneaks you desserts when Mom isn’t looking.” 

“Regina!” he groans back when Sabrina glares at him since she’s been trying to enforce what his doctor said about cutting back on sugar. 

“Besides, it’s not like you’ve only spent our money in the name of you and Janis one time.” He looks at her knowingly. “There were several instances when you were quite young.”

All of the adults get a far away look in their eyes, while Regina’s just widen until they’re pleading with her father not to say anything. 

Janis watches the silent conversation go down, unsure if she’s eager to hear the embarrassing story or should be supporting her best friend. Ultimately, Reginald wins out, since he has practice resisting those adorable baby blues. 

“If I remember right, Janis had just turned seven?” He looks to the other for confirmation. 

Jennifer nods, filling in some of the blanks. “Yes, she had wanted to play in the snow for her birthday. I’m just glad she didn’t miss a bunch of school!” 

Robert nods in agreement. Janis looks skeptically at her parents; she doesn’t remember very much about the second grade, though memories of a large cast on her leg and a lot of time in bed do start to resurface. 

“Regina didn’t know much about hospitals besides the fact that my mother passed a few months before that,” Reginald says, his gaze fogging over as memories of when times were simpler start to overtake his mind. “She seemed to think that it was a dangerous place to be, so, when she saw I was asleep on the couch and Sabrina was at work, she made a run for it with her stuffed cat under her arm and a bobby pin-- I think she read that in Nancy Drew-- ready to break Janis out.” 

“He’s a lion,” Regina and Janis chime in at the same time. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” Janis whispers, amusement evident on her face. 

“Because it’s _embarrassing!”_ Regina hisses back, glaring at her dad. 

“I don’t remember a tiny burglar stealing my daughter away, though,” Robert cuts in, confused. “Did something happen?”

“You could say that,” Reggie replies, trying not to laugh. “Our little ‘Gina didn’t make it far, considering that Sharon-- you remember our neighbor, Ms. Norbury, right?-- saw her running down the block and asked her where she was going. She called me right away, told me that my daughter was trying to break her best friend out of captivity, and that our little bargainer had offered a large sum of ten dollars for help on the rescue mission.” Everyone chuckles, while the central character of the story sinks down into her seat. “Ms. Norbury also informed me that she told Regina that she was willing to become an accomplice, as long as they got ice cream with the ten dollars first. After that, they went driving, but they ended up going to every white, tall building in the city and their search ended after dinner time when our little heroine passed out from stress and exhaustion in the backseat.” 

On the other end of the table, the now grown subject of the story pouts, her cheeks pink. On the inside, Janis is quite pleased that even then, the blonde loved her. 

“How the _hell_ was I supposed to know that hospitals helped people when you told me that Grandma died there!” Regina asks incredulously. “Really, that whole ordeal was your fault.” 

“You gave our neighbor, a _multi-million dollar company’s_ CFO, a ten dollar bill and wasted her whole day away!” Sabrina points out. “I still can’t believe that Sharon agreed to that.” 

“And I still can’t believe she betrayed me,” Regina complains. “She pinky promised she wouldn’t tell!” 

The adults grin and shake their heads affectionately. 

“That’s rough,” Kylie concedes. “But Mom and Dad did take us to see Jay eventually, didn’t they?” 

“They did,” Janis answers, her brain suddenly latching onto a specific memory. “I remember a lot of nice cuddles. And Regina let me keep Leo.” 

“I wanted you to have somebody to protect you when I wasn’t there,” Regina grumbles, despondent. 

The rest of the table coos at the words, and Regina blushes again, the only win she gets being Janis squeezing her hand under the table and kissing her cheek. 

Lunch speeds by after that; everyone cleans their plates of food, and after, they lounge in their private room for another half hour, making quick work of their desserts and discussing the latest gossip they’ve heard on the street and at galas. Regina and Janis barely tune into the conversation, living in their own little world as they always have even around family, drowning in each other and in their memories.

Around the table, the others discreetly observe, all exchanging knowing glances as Regina leans a little closer and wipes some chocolate from the corner of Janis’ lip. 

***

When they’re all ready to leave, there’s a drawn out battle over who should pay for the meal, all seven diners throwing their hats into the ring, each coming up with a reason why it’s their responsibility. The check changes hands many times over, until eventually, it ends with Reginald, who claims seniority and allows his best friend to order him and his wife a car so they don’t have to take a taxi. 

There are soft hugs goodbye, promises to write letters, and then all part ways, some tearful and others filled with a knowledge that their time away from one another is only temporary. 

Being with people they loved was sweet, a welcome change from the fast pace of business and management, but, still, the quiet peace Regina and Janis find in each other is a welcome change when they finally arrive back at the latter’s apartment. 

The place already feels like it belongs to both of them-- though the blonde has only been staying over for a few days-- and they’re both acutely aware of their own domesticity when they silently agree to spend the rest of their afternoon on the sofa together by the floor to ceiling windows in the living room.

They lounge in perfect comfort with the other, both sipping coffee from mugs the brunette has had since they were eighteen, determined to stay awake and savor their last moments of escape with one another. 

For a moment, they just look outside, at the sunset, at the stars that have started to glimmer in the sky, at the way the moon seems brighter, more sure than any other night. Janis cuddles against Regina, nosing at her neck, and the blonde finds herself absolutely happy. 

She loves this moment. She loves having Janis in her lap, loves the way her world has melted to only this instant, loves the easy affection, the way the whole planet feels like their kingdom just as they had promised each other, once. 

If she’s being truthful, when it comes down to it, Regina just loves Janis; she never really stopped. 

It’s harmless to admit it to herself, and as their time winds down, it feels like something she must acknowledge. Though they’re only having coffee, the thought pushes Regina close to intoxication, the acceptance of her feelings enough to make her feel high on the little sliver of the alternate pasts and futures converging in this moment, on their adolescence, on their youth, on Janis and their relationship and what it means. 

Regina isn’t used to being able to contemplate such things, her mind always going a mile a minute when traveling, normally drumming up a new program, a new grant, a new opportunity to propose. She always thinks in money, in what things will cost and what things will make. She can’t help it; it’s in her blood. 

The only times she hasn’t cared about dollars and trust funds are when she’s been with Janis. 

This night isn’t any different. 

Even as she looks out at the city, the George Enterprises building in one direction and several of the Sarkisian’s real estate endeavors in the other, Regina doesn’t care about any of it a single bit. The only thing that matters is them, not the expense of the cars Janis has in the lot downstairs, not the price of rent.

No amount of money or name-dropping could ever buy Regina a moment like this, a moment she’s dreamed of for so long but told herself was foolish to pursue. No amount of wealth could ever replicate the feeling of Janis kissing her soft and slow, tasting like flame and a perfect melody. 

It’s enough to make her feel regretful, enough to make her emotions tug on both ends, one part of her longing to give up the life she has and choose Janis, and the other reminding her of the duties she has, the privilege she’s been given to be able to help others. 

If she picks Janis, if she picks her heart instead of her head, she wouldn’t be able to look at herself, though she’s fully aware that if she goes with her head, it would still be difficult to see her reflection in the mirror everyday with nobody standing behind her besides her assistant, who seems to be the only one who holds the same idealist belief that the world can be changed if enough effort is put in. 

Some part of Regina says that maybe they could make this work, begs her to give in and to bend once more for the love she’s so long tried to ignore but her heart has sought after. 

She silences the little voice. Tonight is a time to be happy, to forget, to enjoy, to savor. 

Perhaps there’s also a bit of fear, a bit of questioning, that maybe this is just a several day hookup for Janis, that this is just a search for release, for a brief escape. The theory is immediately disproven by the look on the other woman’s face, the curiosity, the love, and also the heartbreak that this will all be over soon. 

“Why didn’t you say yes to Olivia?” 

Janis looks at her skeptically. 

“Why didn’t you give in and say yes to Shane?” 

The words hang between them; both women know the answer. Nobody has ever gotten close to how they make each other feel; there’s enough love between them for a trip to the sun and back. 

They don’t converse any further on the couch, just enjoying the stillness, the softness of each other’s breath, the connection that will soon be severed once more. 

Eventually, like always, hands start to wander, unable to stop themselves, energized from caffeine and premature loneliness, and quickly, Regina is being carried to bed. 

With tender arms encircling her, she feels safe, protected. More than she has in years. She giggles as Janis presses her to the wall briefly and kisses her, and it feels like falling, like succumbing to what is meant to be, giving in to all the unspoken words, unspoken moments, unspoken truths. 

They don’t have sex; they make love. They take the heat off their own bodies and push it back into each other’s heart, saying _remember me when you’re changing the world_ , promising _I will._

The universe feels like it’s only them, and Janis knows she has her whole world in her hands when Regina arches her back and whispers her name like a prayer, trembling. 

It’s slow and it’s sacred, as thin as paper in its fragility, as sure as the blueness of Regina’s eyes in its perfection. They take their time, collecting memories like precious gems, and tasting each other with a finality that shatters their hearts.

They move in tandem, bending and breaking, catching the cries and pleas and whispers and holding them close for another day, a colder one when it’s dark. Their touches are beyond gentle, and yet also burning; Janis takes Regina from behind and falls apart with her, one hand buried in blonde hair and the other gripping her hip. It’s intimate, almost agonizingly so, and when Regina lets out a moan, Janis is shoved into the past, to the first time they did this, after prom, after sunset. 

She remembers the first time she heard Regina voice her pleasure; she remembers thinking that nothing else would ever be so beautiful, so necessary to her existence. 

Janis remembers a vow she made long ago: that she would give the blonde everything she wanted, whenever, wherever, as long as she got to stay in her arms. Despite the time that has passed, the promise isn’t lost on her older self, and even in the backseat of her car just a few days ago the goal was to convince Regina to hold her again, as it was every time after that leading up till right now. 

Ever since they were kids, Regina and Janis have lived every moment as if it were stolen from death, and regardless of how much they’ve grown, everything leading up to this second, everything that they’ve done, has never felt anything less than brilliant. Even during this stolen moment blanketed in darkness, there’s so much to live for, so much to _love_ for, so many reasons to steal more moments from time itself, to pass the seconds between them until they become minutes, until they become hours, until they’ve collected enough for a lifetime and can throw their responsibilities to the wind. 

Of course, this, like all things from the past week, is a fantasy, and the truth of their reality only makes it more difficult for them to frame their final time in bed together as a goodbye. 

Regina falls apart again; Janis doesn’t stop. She fucks her once more, three fingers deep to the very knuckle, curling and pressing and waiting, exploring, pulling, until the blonde is whimpering, so, so close, fingers tangled in dark hair. 

No matter how they’ve searched, they’ve never found anybody else who does this, who makes their hearts beat at such an irregular tempo. There’s never been such devastation in the wake of a love that hasn’t even been lost yet. Before now, the past three days they’ve shared have felt like a departure from the world, like everything around them has frozen, but now, they’re both aware of their impending deadline, of what morning will mean. 

They stay awake through Regina’s alarm, make love a final time, so that in this razor thin moment between darkness and dawn, they can both take one last breath of eternity before it must slip through their fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm.... so sorry. i promise it'll all be okay! for now, let me know if you liked something (or hated something because it hurt!) it will get... slightly worse before it gets better in the final chapter, but i hope you still want to see how it ends. 
> 
> drop me a comment and/or a kudo if you've been liking what you're reading so far, or you can come into my askbox @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. 
> 
> be safe x


	6. one day (you’ll be ready to come home)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you’re ever back in town, let me know,” Janis whispers, trying to sound hopeful to calm the woman in her arms. “I’ll know where to find you. Your name’s on the building.” She chuckles quietly. “Level forty, right?” 
> 
> Regina nods, sniffling. 
> 
> “Look at me,” she says, lips twitching into what's trying to be a smile. “Am I a massive deal or what?” 
> 
> She finds solace in the grin she feels against her shoulder. 
> 
> “You’ve always been a massive deal to me, ‘Gina.” It’s nearly an admittance, but also so not, and it manages to shatter Regina’s heart further. 
> 
> She lets loose another sob, trembling in Janis’ grasp. Her throat is raw, and her eyes feel hot, and nothing-- absolutely nothing-- feels okay. 
> 
> She’s unsure if it ever will again. 
> 
> (Or, the one where they say goodbye, but absolutely nothing feels right and they take steps to fix it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all. i know i promised a posting schedule, but with the election and everything, i was going through a bit of a rough time and it felt a little wrong to post fic during such a pivotal point in the lives of myself and so many people that i care about. i refrained from posting pretty much everywhere until today, mostly because i felt that the time during and after the election deserved some respect and i was also waiting with baited breath to see what my world is going to look like for the next couple of years. i hope that you understand. 
> 
> now. let's get past the serious stuff and to what you're all here for. yes, this is the final chapter. thank you so much for sticking it out if you've been here since i first starting posting this fic, and thanks for reading now if you're here days or weeks after i've finished this. it really means so much that people have enjoyed this, and i'm so flattered by the response i've gotten. 
> 
> as always, i'll drop the link to the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3zlrJe4DvnNMIETqYGhorz?si=kB1-qm-_QkOYf-5ogA4JDw) which started out as my writing songs that turned into what inspired this fic. i really do recommend giving at least some of the songs a listen. 
> 
> TL;DR: thank you for waiting. thank you for sticking it out. i hope you enjoy. listen to the playlist. i promise it'll help you understand some of the moments in here even more. 
> 
> (chap title from chelsea cutler's "nj.")

This has happened before. 

Union Station is bustling, the early morning crowd all already waiting in line to board to make way for the next set of trains. Every few minutes, there’s a new announcement blinking on the monitors around the terminal. 

It’s the same as when they were twenty-three; everything down to the wooden benches seems to have frozen in time, and the ceiling windows are still as breathtaking as ever. They stand facing each other, Janis’ hands tightly clutched around the handle of Regina’s carry-on, while Regina has both of hers tucked into the pockets of her coat. The prospect of touching Janis so close to leaving makes her nervous; she’s afraid she won’t be able to stop. 

Their previous farewell also went like this, tinged with simultaneous regret and hope, tears clogging their throats. Both women are reminded how an _I’ll see you soon_ turned into nine years, and there’s something both comforting and terrifying in the thought that they may not be in the same place again for a long while. 

Though they know how it’s going to go, there’s nothing easy about this moment. They’ve both been dreading it since the second they laid eyes on each other. If anything, it hurts more than last time; now that they’re older, wiser, they know more about life, that it isn’t as easy as they thought when they were young.

“I don’t think we should keep in touch,” Regina says quietly, trying not to tear up. 

The look of acceptance on Janis’ face makes it hurt even more. 

“I was going to say the same thing,” she mumbles. “It’s smart. If we keep talking, it’ll just make it--” 

_\--harder to get over you again._

Janis’ eyes have been staring up for a long while, feigning interest in the windows even though she’s seen them upwards of a thousand times by now. Her eyes are wet, and Regina forces herself to choke down a sob. 

“Please don’t text,” the blonde murmurs, biting her lip. “It’s not that I don’t want to hear from you. It’s just--” 

Janis nods roughly; both of them understand. There’s no need to discuss it further. Regina is unsure what more to say, and some semblance of a goodbye is on the tip of her tongue before Janis is crashing into her and holding her close. She feels the other woman drop her duffel to the floor behind her, but Regina doesn’t care, burying her face deep in the brunette’s shoulder and breathing her in. 

It hurts more than if they had kept their careful two foot distance. Being so near reminds them both of everything that they’re losing, of everything they could have had if things were different. There’s no real definition for what they are; they’re a _maybe_ , an _almost,_ a _what if._

It’s difficult to quantify, but as Regina hugs Janis even tighter, all she can think is that they sure were _something_ while they lasted. 

“Thanks for everything, Princess,” Janis whispers, and it only serves to make Regina cry harder. The last time the brunette called her that they were standing in the exact same spot. “You’re still fantastic at sex. You should know that.” It makes the blonde laugh wetly, and Janis counts it as a win for the time being as she strokes her fingers through blonde hair one last time. “I promise not to miss you.” 

It’s meant as a joke, but somehow, it helps to strengthen Regina slightly. They’re different now. Their paths may cross again, but for now, they’re meant to let go. 

“If you’re ever back in town, let me know,” Janis whispers, trying to sound hopeful to calm the woman in her arms. “I’ll know where to find you. Your name’s on the building.” She chuckles quietly. “Level forty, right?” 

Regina nods, sniffling. 

“Look at me,” she says, lips twitching into what's trying to be a smile. “Am I a massive deal or what?” 

She finds solace in the grin she feels against her shoulder. 

“You’ve always been a massive deal to me, ‘Gina.” It’s nearly an admittance, but also so not, and it manages to shatter Regina’s heart further. 

She lets loose another sob, trembling in Janis’ grasp. Her throat is raw, and her eyes feel hot, and nothing-- absolutely nothing-- feels okay. 

She’s unsure if it ever will again. 

She stays in the woman’s arms for as long as she can, feeling like she’s burning up, like she’s on the brink of breaking apart into a million pieces. But finally, the monitor announces her train up to New York, and she forces herself to pull away, wiping some stray tears from her cheek. 

Staring at Janis for a moment, Regina doesn’t know what to say. When Janis shucks her jean jacket, she feels her heart in her throat. 

“Take this,” the brunette whispers, wrapping it around her softly. “It’ll keep you safe.” 

“Thank you,” she mumbles back, clutching it tight around her. “I want you to be safe too, Jay.” 

Quivering, Janis nods. 

“I will.” 

Regina surges forward for one final kiss, unable to stop herself, and Janis sinks into it immediately, pressing close and breathing shakily. 

“The world isn’t going to save itself, kid,” she murmurs against soft lips. 

“You’re only eight months older than me,” Regina quips back automatically before she tears herself back, shoving the other woman away slightly. 

There’s a second boarding call. 

“You should go,” Janis encourages, waving. “Gretchen looks like she’s about to hyperventilate.”

The blonde manages a chuckle, swallowing hard and taking a few steps backwards. 

“Bye, Jay.” 

Janis breathes in deep. 

“Bye, ‘Gina.” 

Regina turns away, then, picking her bag up off the floor where it was dropped and starting to walk away. More than anything, she wants to look back, to see Janis’ eyes one last time, to run back towards her like in the movies, but she doesn’t. Instead, she soldiers on, wiping her eyes one last time before she finally meets Gretchen at the platform. 

Her assistant looks like she wants to ask something but doesn’t, and Regina is grateful for it. Instead, the brunette takes her bag, ushers her inside, and shows her to the tiny restroom. 

As soon as she’s alone, Regina sinks to the floor, breathes in Janis’ scent on the jacket she now knows she’ll keep forever, and sobs. 

***

“Ms. Sarkisian, the event is about to start,” Sonia tells her again, this time wandering fully behind the outdoor stage to speak to her. 

Janis isn’t facing her, instead staring at her phone, at Regina’s number. 

She’s supposed to help out at this art event for young kids that her parents helped set up, and she was all ready until she was informed that it was another event that they were teaming up with George Enterprises for. Normally, it would be fine, but now, with the hurt so fresh from Regina’s departure, Janis feels herself splintering on the edges. It’s been barely a few days, and it only took one mention of her former love’s family for her to go spiraling once more, to contemplate the real consequences of just sending a text message. 

Janis has been trying to tell herself that it’s all going to be okay, but now, the prospect of speaking to dozens of children who are filled with hope that life gets better after pain is terrifying. She used to think of Regina when she was scared; now, the woman-- what they let go in favor of fulfilling their responsibilities-- is what frightens her the most. She already feels like a liar, and she hasn’t even met any of the kids yet. 

“Ms. Sarkisian,” Sonia urges, peeking over the lip of the stage and seeing that the crowd is growing antsy. 

Nodding, Janis shoves her phone into her pocket and follows her assistant on stage, putting on her sunglasses and her signature smile. She plugs in her phone to start playing some music on low, urging the other volunteers at the session to start passing out supplies. 

She’s helping a young boy by the name of Nick when suddenly, the entire room goes quiet. Showing him shading techniques with her pencil, she flits her eyes up curiously before doing a double take. Everybody else seems to have gotten over the new arrival and gone back to their work, but not Janis. 

She shakes her head to make sure she’s seeing correctly. The striped dress she likes so much. The heels from the gala. Blonde hair that seems to be glowing. And… a box-- 

Her heart is in her throat. 

“Something from Italy for you,” Regina jokes softly, though it seems deafening to the brunette.

“How are you here?” she blurts out, gaping. 

The other woman chuckles, breathing in deep. 

“I was in Italy, and I knew I had to come back,” she starts. “It was only a few days without you, but I’ve been so miserable! And I know it’s ridiculous. I have so much money, so much I could do with it, but all I wanted was you.” 

“‘Gina--”

“It sounds childish, but I’ve been so sad,” she continues, laughing wetly and walking closer. Janis backs up, knowing that if they continue to move for a few more feet they’ll be out of view of the others in the large tent. “I was wrong. Not seeing you isn’t better. It’s fucking terrible.” 

The brunette manages a snort at that, a bit shocked at Regina’s bluntness. 

“And then, I saw my favorite pizza place-” she holds up the box in her hand- “and I thought of you, and then I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I tried not to text the first few days; I really did. I wanted to do what we said we were going to, but it hurt too much.” 

Janis swallows hard. 

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” 

Regina nods. “We can make things work.” 

“How?” 

Regina takes another step closer. This time, Janis doesn’t pull back. 

“I haven’t figured out the details,” the blonde whispers. “I just know that I’m not going to kick my favorite person in the whole world out of my life again.” She strides forward again. “I need you like I haven’t ever needed anybody. I just want--”

She reaches up to cup Janis’ neck with her free hand, nervous and full of trepidation. Janis’ breathing is shallow, and the sudden, intense eye contact makes her knees slightly weak. Regina hesitates just before their lips touch, and the brunette closes the remaining distance. 

They’ve both fantasized about this moment since the day at Union Station, waking up in cold sweats and feeling the other side of the bed only to find that they were alone. They would lay awake after that, allowing their minds to wonder what the other was up to on the other side of the world. If the other was thinking of them, or if they were just fooling themselves about what the last week meant. 

Janis had been doing just that several moments prior, and now, with Regina’s lips against hers, the fact that there’s no more need to speculate what the blonde is up to makes her heart settle in her chest. Kissing Regina makes her feel safe, loved, and when they both deepen it, the brunette feels a steady floating sensation that makes her feel like the world has stopped just for them. 

“I just want to give it a shot,” Regina finishes when they pull back. “I’d like a third chance to get us right.” 

“I bet that pizza’s cold,” Janis whispers.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” Regina laughs back. 

Janis kisses her nose. 

“I’m just saying. How will I know if it’s actually good if it’s cold?” 

The blonde rolls her eyes. 

“Just come with me to Naples, dummy,” she whispers. “Just don’t try to buy it.” 

_“I researched buying a province one time, and it was a joke,”_ Janis defends, and it forces a laugh out of Regina. “But yes, I will come with you. Maybe I can set up an office there.” 

The blonde bites her lip around a smile. 

“Really?” 

Janis nods, taking a deep breath. 

“I love you, Regina,” she says. “I know it’s been almost a decade, but my love is still yours. It always has been. If you’re willing to take it.” 

_They’re twelve; somehow, they already know what love is._

“I love you too,” the blonde replies, kissing Janis’ cheek, lingering before she starts to nose at the other woman’s neck. “And I’m very willing.” 

_They’re fifteen and falling; hopelessly unaware that what they’ve got is the kind of thing that would make the planet straighten on its axis if they so chose._

“Good,” Janis whispers, grinning.

_They’re seventeen; in love; the world is theirs._

“Good.” Regina looks the happiest she’s ever been. “And just so you know, I bought all of your kids here colored pencils and art classes downtown.” 

_They’re eighteen; growing; changing._

“‘Gina—“ the brunette groans, feigning annoyance. 

“What?!” 

_They’re twenty three; they’re saying goodbye. It hurts._

Janis kisses the indignant look off the blonde’s face before burying her nose in soft hair and breathing her in. She smiles, seeing that Regina is still wearing her jacket. 

_They’re just a few days younger than today; saying goodbye is even more painful than it was when they were young. Life isn’t fair, or so they think when they kiss farewell._

She fixes the collar, grinning wider when she notices Regina has the rings they got each other on a necklace underneath. Clearly, the woman has done a lot of thinking. 

“Nothing. You’re just perfect.” 

Regina kisses Janis again at the words. 

_They’re thirty-two, now; there’s such a thing as a balance between love and duty. This life is kinder than they thought. Everything is as it should be._

_They no longer need to be shoved into the past, to be reminded of what they could be. Instead, they can be nudged along in their present and be what they only thought could exist in fantasy._

Janis sweeps the other woman off her feet, spins her around until they’re both giggling, their lips still pressed together. Though they don’t voice it just yet, they’re already making plans for the future, for their life. 

They hold each other tighter. 

“I love you,” Regina breathes, pulling back for oxygen-- though the thought of drowning in the other woman doesn’t sound terrible at all.

Janis smiles. 

“I love you too.” 

The words feel like background noise once more, no difference between it and silence. It’s impossible for either of them to stop saying it; not now, not when it’s been held inside for the last nine years, not when the knowledge that they aren’t too late is so overwhelming, so relieving. 

Finally, they’ve found their way properly back to one another. 

They aren’t too late. 

Regina leans up for another kiss, this one even more sure than the last. 

Time feels as if it’s sped and slowed simultaneously, and this time, they’re both shoved into the future. Together. 

_Janis will take Regina driving, find glee in her shrieks of laughter as the brunette puts the top down. The blonde will force her to dress up in return, to go to some fancy restaurant. They’ll sleep in late and let the sun tell them when to awaken, make love from dusk till dawn. They’ll fall in love over and over again, never growing tired and never growing up._

_They’ll make out in Janis’ car on the east-side; put a record on and dance. They'll reminisce about their youth; get lost in the memories. They’ll whisper ‘I love you’ quietly, under their breaths, and know just how much they mean it._

_The whole world will be their kingdom, just as they had hoped, just as they had planned._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. there you have it folks. thanks for reading this crazy story that i thought up in the span of a few hours and decided i had to write. i hope that you enjoyed reading it as much as i did creating it. if you did, consider dropping me a comment and/or a kudo below. it would make me smile :) 
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. if you have anything you want to see in the future, or just have something on your mind, feel free to drop me an ask. 
> 
> (shoutout to my homies in the discord server that understand why janis pointed out that the pizza is cold ;) )
> 
> be safe x


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